Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

26 December 2003

And after all

Number of versions of "A Christmas Carol" this Christmas: 4 (including Blackadder's....)
Number of turkeys eaten this year: 0 (thank God)
Number of family members at the party yesterday: 25
number of grandfathers lost this year: 2
Number of crying nans yesterday: 1

How different people deal with grief. Cool Nan (My mother's mother and still very Cool) cried when my dad remembered how we lost 2 grandfathers this year. Hip Nan (my father's mother, had a hip-replacement, hence the name) just sat there babbling. She did not even notice how I tried to grab her hand. Did not need it it seems. Well bugger to that. Hip Nan does not like it that her only son, my father, does not visitor as much as her two daughters. And me and my sister don't visit her enough either. Doesn't matter that we have to work.

When grandfathers die, there are two ways nans can go:
1) They mourn and cry for a while and pick their life up again and make the most of it.
2) They sit in a chair all day and say how lonely they are and how the world seems to forget about them.

I have a nan going either way. I should avoid having favorites. Because it is unfair. After all, they are both a product of their upbringing and their marriage. But somehow, I can not hide my irritation when Hip Nan says: "I was expecting you to come and visit but you haven't." And yet at the same time she has not asked ONCE about my job, even though the probable bankruptcy of the place I work is national news. Like the world revolves around just one person. And the sad thing is: She knows that the world is not revolving around her. And she is trying to hold on to it, she is trying to make the world revolve around her by making us feel guilty. "What are you doing at New Year's Eve Nan?" "Oh, I don't know. I will see what happens." "You can come to us if you like." "Oh well, I don't know. I will see what X (dad's sister who lives close to nan) does.Maybe I can go to her." Giving us the impression that only if nobody else invites her, she will come to us. Fine. Then don't. If you have a grudge with your son not coming over often enough, then say so, don't play the guilt-card.

Hmmm....mayne I should take this post down again after a few days. Or maybe sooner yet. Because I don't dislike Hip Nan. She is still my nan. This has become a completely differnt post than the one I had inmind. This is what happens if you let your fingers run away with your thoughts: dribble.



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