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My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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19 December 2003

NOboarding

Don't go snowboarding. Don't do it. I went last night, indoor snowboarding. And now I am feeling totally wasted. Absolutely tired. I got up at 4am yesterday to start work at 5am. So I was very very tired when I got home. I thought: let's have an afternoon nap and regain some energy.

In the evening, I really wanted to clear my head of all the work-stress. So I went snowboarding with Jane. Disasterous. I am not a good boarder; I only boarded twice in my life. But I do enjoy it. But last night was a disaster. Not concentrated at all. I cried because I just could not do it. I cried because I just got scared. I did not have the confidence to throw myself down the hill. And nothing more dangerous on the slopes than a snowboarder who is scared. Like elderly people in a car on the motorway. I cried out of pure frustration. But I did not give up. I ploughed on. And on and on. I hated it.

And now it is the next day and people at work ask me what the hell I have been doing last night. Drinking?? No. Snowboarding.

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