Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

30 November 2003

Packing up

Had word from the boss the other day not to expect anything from the company. The company had to fire 42 people and I offered to leave voluntarily in exchange for a few months worth of pay. With that money, I could make a small (tiny) start when I move to England. After all, you don't want to go without a penny in your pocket. The boss was willing to discuss it but it looks like there isn't even money for this idea of mine. They need some 4.5 million euros to keep the Radio TV Station up and running. There is no way the provincial government is going to come up with that kind of money.

SO what do I do now? Wait more years to save money? Or take the risk and pack up for a new life? I have set a date for moving. But not telling yet when it will be. In any case, I am packing up right now. For another visit to England. Have to catch a train tomorrow at 3:15 am to take me to the airport!! Humbug. I knew there was a downside to Ryan Air. And it is this one: They fly from airports so remote that it is almost impossible to get there at a decent time.
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28 November 2003

Strange days

These are strange days at work. Today is the last day of the 42 people that lost their job. Most of them have been leaving over the past week, saying goodbye, taking a few days off as to avoid the Big Goodbye today. TOnight there is a dinner with about 25 people and after that about 50 people have said to come for drinks in the local Irish pub.

I still have my job. Monday marks a new beginning for those who are left. Can we still make great radio and television with the people we have left? Can we still motivate ourselves after such a devastating blow? Especially since we might go belly-up anyway. On December 17th, the County government will decide if they will give us 4.5 million Euro to survive and to give money to thos ewho got fired. If we don't get any money, it is the end of regional radio and television in The Hague. The seat if government will be without a regional broadcaster.

People have ben angry, accepting, sad, down hearted, hopeful, spiteful, jealous and resentful ever since the sackings were announced. Almost all 42 people have filed protest against their sacking so it will be a long courtbattle, costing the company more money. I can understand it from an individual point of view. But it is dragging down those who were lucky enough to keep their job.

Last night, on the radio, we had a short section where those who stay said goodbye to those who leave. The rpesenter, who got sacked, cried, I cried when I heard it. And then a listener called to say it was so moving. And an hour later, a woman rang the doorbel of the studios. She had heard the goodbye on the radio and wanted to wish us all a lot of wisdom. She had hopped on the bus personally to wish us all strength. That was so sweet of her. It wil be a very emotional evening tonight.

I am off for a week at the end of this day. Go to Jane and put it all out of my head. Hopefully. And when I come back on December 8, there will be a smaller team, that has to work harder to produce the same quality. I hope we will make it. But right now, all I want to do is go home, have a sleep, and then enjoy the evening with colleagues and soon to be ex-colleagues. I wish all of them well.

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27 November 2003

I am a ducky

I am a BIG fan of rubber duckies. I have spent a long time on this site, when I should have been working. I want them all, I want them all!!! But what kind of ducky am I?

Captain Quack Rubber Duck Quiz
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26 November 2003

Hijacking the elections

FreeRepublic is a group of (very conservative) conservatives. They have a couple of campaigns going that are pretty funny. But the best one is FReepers Against Voter Fraud!. In their own words:


The whole point of this exercise is to get more conservative voters involved in changing the laws to close loopholes which make it easy to cheat, to promote the enforcement of existing election laws and to take part in the election process at the local level all with the goal of intercepting future fraud campaigns. In other words our goal is to STOP THE RATS FROM HIJACKING THE ELECTION PROCESS AND TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK!

I wonder if they can see the irony of that statement. Seeing they are strong supporters of the only US president who was never actually elected, who only got the job by 1 (ONE) vote in the High Court. I think they don't see it. If there is anything Conservatives lack in the USA, it is a sense of humour and irony.
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25 November 2003

What is it?

Someone please help meout here. More and more on the web, I see stuff like: Syndicate this site. Or: live RSS feed on your website. What the hell are these two things and how do you combine it with Blogger?
Please tell me? I am confused and a Google for Syndicate gives me all these sites about crime syndicates:)
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Thank God some Americans have a brain



The Bubble of American Supremacy :
"The Bush doctrine [...] is built on two pillars: the United States will do everything in its power to maintain its unquestioned military supremacy; and the United States arrogates the right to pre-emptive action. In effect, the doctrine establishes two classes of sovereignty: the sovereignty of the United States, which takes precedence over international treaties and obligations; and the sovereignty of all other states, which is subject to the will of the United States. This is reminiscent of George Orwell's Animal Farm: all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."


George Soros knows what he is talking about. A millionaire with a brilliant ghostwriter I think. But still.
President Bush declared war on terrorism, and the nation lined up behind its President. Then the Bush Administration proceeded to exploit the terrorist attack for its own purposes. It fostered the fear that has gripped the country in order to keep the nation united behind the President, and it used the war on terrorism to execute an agenda of American supremacy.


Of course the man was heavily critisised for saying this. Mostly by Americans who think their country can do nothing wrong.
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24 November 2003

To be smart, think you are smart or pretent you are smart

From The Sydney MOrning Herald.

On Tuesday night, Channel Ten mischievously put an event called The Q Test against Nine's National IQ Test. It was what the industry calls a "spoiler", designed to draw younger viewers away from what Nine hoped would be a blockbuster ending to a successful year.

Meanwhile, Seven counterprogrammed with Prime Suspect 6, a murder mystery for people who are actually smart, as opposed to those who need to test themselves. And that did more to poop Nine's party.


I just laughed at that. Well put. I wish they would broadcast Prime Suspect 6 in The Netherlands soon.

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Money Money Money

I know to most people, it makes no difference but it does to me. For years and years I have struggled with money. Not because I did not have any, but because I knew no limit in spending it. Not even on expensive things like CDs, DVDs, books or stuff like that. No. It just disappeared. I never got into major trouble or massive debt (if you don't count a 14.000 euro student loan) but just chronically overdrawn. I would get my salary and it would be just enough to cover my overdraft so it would always be gone again by the time the rent, phonebill and insurance premiums were paid. Not very encouraging.

But since about a year, I have started to get my life in order. I take my Ritalin more or less regular, I try to be organised and I have learned some tricks to control myself when in a shop (Do I really need allthose 5 computer magazines? Isn't 1 enough? You can always buy anothe rone after you finish this one. And usually it woudl turn out I did not need to buy the other ones because it was a simple impulse to want to buy all 5 of them).

And this month, without me knowing or realising it, something very strange has happened. I needed to pay for new contactlenses and for a dentist treatment. All together some 500 euro. So I was annoyed because I would be overdrawn again. But something strange has happened: I have paid the dentist, I have paid for my contacts and I am overdrawn by only 30 euro. And my salary is about to come in any day now. How did that happen? Does that mean that if I had not paid for those two massive expenditures, I would have saved 500 euro?

It is a small thing for most people, but I am sitting here, and I counted, and counted, and counted. And no matter how much I count, add up, subtract and divide, and there is no way I can end up like this. Unless I have indeed made a huge step forward in controlling my finances. It sounds stupid, but it almost makes me emotional. I am 28 and for the first time I am NOT simply paying off my complete overdraft with my salary. What is happening?

Last week my ADHD-shrink (you have to see them or you don't get your Ritalin) siad that she has seen me change in the past year.She says she has seenme grow more confident, that she has seen me more in control, that she has seen how I learned to accept that I too can be happy, that happiness is for me aswell. And then she said it: "I can see how you have grown to accept your love for Jane".

That is it. If I look at how I have changed, how I have learned to control my impulsive buying for example. They are all tips I learned from Jane. And she is the one who made me feel like I was not a failure when I DID make an impulse buy. She is the one who likes me when I am not on my Ritalin. She likes me when I am on my Ritalin. She is the one who calms me down when I get hyperactive. But not by saying: Geez, you are loud today. No. She puts her hand on my arm and says: It's OK sweetie, you can relax.

Usually I would end this post with [/soppy git]. Just a bit of self depricating humour, downplaying the importance of what I just wrote. But I don't want to downplay it. I couldn't if I tried.
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22 November 2003

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jayzus Chroist!! That was nailbiting. Even without knowing the rules, that was tight. Australia ahead, England ahead, Australia levels, extra time, England lead, Australia levels and England scores a drop goal some 20 seconds before the end of the extra time.

We can breathe now.
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Rugby 1/2 time

Go England Go!!!

What was that joke I heard yesterday? The difference between Australia an yoghurt? Leave yoghurt long enough and it will grown a culture:) Hehehe.

I was supporting the New Zealand All Blacks but they are out. So it was a battle of my past and my future. My instinct is to always go towards the future. So England it is. Go Wilkinson Go.

Funny how I can be so ongrossed in Rugby wiythout knowing half the rules. I learned to appreaciate cricket by just sitting down and watching it for hours. I will get the hang of rugby aswell.
Long live TV5 Europe, a French language station, that airs the Rugby World Cup live. Otherwise us poor Dutch folk would not be able to watch it!!
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21 November 2003

Dear Mister Bush

The English newspaper The Guardian has asked 60 people to write as letter to George Bush, now that he is in the United Kingdom. Maybe he picks up a newspaper and reads The Letters. But then again, he granted an exclusive interview to the tabloid The Sun so I don't think we can expect Bush to read at all realy.

And for those who still claim 'ordinary Iraqis' are happy that Saddam is gone and welcome America, read this:

Dear Mr Bush,

Iraqis do not believe that you sent hundreds of thousands of troops to their country and spent billions of dollars in order to liberate them from tyranny. Nor do they believe that Saddam Hussein was even remotely threatening to the US or its interests. They see you as an occupier, and they will deal with you the way dignified and stoical people have always dealt with arrogant aggressors. You are failing to divide Iraqis and your imperial project is a failure.

The US is a great and resourceful nation, and it has many options in dealing with difficult situations. The best option for Iraq is to withdraw the troops immediately. The US can then gain Iraqi goodwill by providing genuine aid to an independent nation. The funds recently approved by congress could be spent on helping the process of rehabilitation of the Iraqi public sector and for development programmes formulated by competent Iraqi authorities in a completely transparent manner.

Let me tell you that the people of Iraq see through you, and now see the US armed forces as jittery teenagers. They pity them and are not afraid of them. You hide behind young boys and girls and raise the spectre of 9/11 to try to win your election. Do not tell me about responsibility for civil peace in Iraq, because your policy is to foment conflict. It is better for everyone if you leave Iraq.
Kamil Mahdi
Iraqi opposition politician to Saddam Hussein, living in exile in Britain

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Madness

What is the use of bombing Istanbul? How sad is it that extremists feel the need to bomb a country where there is relative peace between Muslims, Jews and other people? If they can pull Turkey into this conflict in the Middle East, the whole region has destabilised. Exactly what they want. I am not religeous, but pray to God Turkey has the leadership not to get drawn in.

On the side there is this small observation: Since George W. Bush is president of the USA, there have been more bombattacks and more deaths than ever before. An obvious example of his succesful fight against terrorism. Somebody please shoot this man.
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20 November 2003

'We' are going to Portugal

So The Netherlands beat Scotland with 6 - 0 last night. After losing to Scotland 1 - 0 on Saturday. Of course I am pleased. But not happy. I am please beause they won with a host of new players. Most of the arrogant bastards who have beenin this team for too long had been sidelined. And with good results. And so I am pleased. For the young lads. Who were deemed not good enough by the voach. Because he believed his 'old squad' would qualify for Euro 2004. And only in the last popssible chance, the coach admitted that the old guys had let him down. And that he needed to change the squad. And he did. And now of course he claims he had always planned to do this. He was not one match (1-0 in Scotland) too late with the young players. No. He was just in tmie. Because they won.

They say the winning coach is always right. He is not. And he knows it. He should leave. Bugger off!!
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18 November 2003

Let's move people

Massachusetts backs gay marriage.


Unfortunately it is not quite that great. The Supreme Judicial Court has ruled that banning gays from marriage is unlawful. But of course, only according to the current laws. Courts in Hawaii, Alaska and Vermont have also previously ruled that banning same-sex marriage was unconstitutional, but no state has yet issued marriage licences to gay couples. In Hawaii and Alaska, the rulings were followed by the adoption of constitutional amendments limiting marriage to heterosexual couples.

So I am not cheering yet. I am hoping it won't come to that. But these days, America seems to be governed by a bunch of raving lunies. It seems that for some reason, most Americans are fairly relaxed about most things but you only see the extreme right wing Christian fundamentalists stand up and yell. And they are heard. And it pisses me off.

I read somewhere: Bush stole the elections by promising to be a compassionate conservative. He was elected by the Middle Man. He does not have the mandate to be a fucking right-wing fundamentalist. Exactly what I feel.
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17 November 2003

If your team loses, beat your wife up

Women in New Zealand have reported an increase in wifebeatings after the NZ All Blacks lost the semi-final against Australia.

The Dutch team lost to Scotland Saturday. Jane, count yourself lucky that you weren't there!!

On Saturday night and Sunday, refuge workers said they received calls from women wanting to leave because matters had come to a head with their violent partner due to the rugby.

NZ wife-beating up after rugby loss.
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16 November 2003

He's right

But then again, he knows it. BEcause his mission statement is : This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.

The Best Page In The Universe.

But I tend to find he is absolutely RIGHT in lots of things.

By now everyone is probably aware of McDonald's new ad campaign: "i'm lovin' it," which is really a contraction of the phrase "i am loving it," that happens to be an anagram for the phrase: "ailing vomit." Ah the irony.


Great laugh, especially because he too thinks The Matrix is crap and a waste of money!!
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15 November 2003

Favorite read

Too long I roam in the night.
I'm coming back to his side, to put it right.
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering,
Wuthering Heights,

Heathcliff, it's me--Cathy.
Come home. I'm so cold!
Let me in-a-your window.

Heathcliff, it's me--Cathy.
Come home. I'm so cold!
Let me in-a-your window.

Ooh! Let me have it.
Let me grab your soul away.
Ooh! Let me have it.
Let me grab your soul away.
You know it's me--Cathy!


Of course you all know these are the lyrics of Kate Bush' Wuthering Heights. The BBC is in search of the greatest books in literature history in their series The Big Read. In each program, a famous Briton pleads in favor of his/her favorite book. Tonight actor Alastair McGowan made a case for my all time favorite book: Wuthering Heights.

The darkness, the passion, the hate, the deep despair. Fabulously descibed by *oh shock* a woman.


'Are you possessed with a devil,' he pursued, savagely, 'to talk in that manner to me when you are dying? Do you reflect that all those words will be branded in my memory, and eating deeper eternally after you have left me? You know you lie to say I have killed you: and, Catherine, you know that I could as soon forget you as my existence! Is it not sufficient for your infernal selfishness, that while you are at peace I shall writhe in the torments of hell?'


Everything there is to be said about the book has already been said. But the show mentioned something I did not know. When Emily Bronte died, she was burried in the local cemetery. Years after her death, the place was closed. Because the ground had started to shift due to all the slosh of decayed bodies from centuries of dead people. It seeped into the town well and poisoned people.

Fits the theme. Read that book.
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Fuck

And the Dutch team lost aswell. Actualy, it is not so bad. They are a bunch of arrogant losers who do not deserve to go to the European Championships Soccer. I will support Scotland this Wednesday on the re-match!!!
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Abortion issue hijacked by right-wing


On Green Fairy a link to a good article about abortion and the right-wing religeous nuts who make so much noise that there seems to be no middle ground left. The main issue is of course the qustion: why is abortion murder and murdering an abortion-doctor an act that will get you in to heaven?

The world religions all insist that human life is sacred and inviolable. The Christian right believes that abortion in any form is one of the most brutal manifestations of secular modernity. Fundamentalists are entirely unmoved by the argument that a woman has the right to choose, since it smacks of feminism, which they regard as another of the great evils of our time. No religion has in practice been good for women, and in adopting a pro-choice position, some liberal Christians are beginning to redress centuries of oppression by taking women's rights seriously.


The Guardian - The Sacret Facts of Life
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GO ALL BLACKS GO!!!!!


Bloody hell!! I am at work, and thank GOD TV5 Europe has the Rugby Worldcup LIVE!! New Zealand vs Australia. Very very emotional moment when they do that Hakka!! Go All Blacks Go!! I sit here wearing my All Blacks t-shirt. After the match I will change that for my Orange shirt to support the Dutch National Team(aka: the Bloody Arrogant bastards:) when they try to beat Scotland later today for a place ni the European Soccer Championships in 2004.
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14 November 2003

Dillemas

Bugger. What do you say when your boss approaches you and asks you to present something and stresses that there are big opportunities in the 'new' company? .At the end of this month, 42 people will loose their job here and those left will have to work extra hard to make decent radio and TV, but obviously that also means more chances to sometimes do things you would otherwise never get the chance to do.

I am not sure I want to hear that. It just makes matters more complicated than I need them to be right now. I LIKE this oplace. I came here suring my studies and I stayed. But I also enjoy thinking about my 'other plans'. They are just making it difficult for me. Bitch bugger bum.
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13 November 2003

Get down there if you can

On 20 November, there is a big demonstration in London against the War in Iraq and against George Bush. If you go to one more Anti-War demonstration, let it be this one. Show George Bush that he is a wanker.

Stop the War Coalition (UK)
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12 November 2003

Oh no!

And for the second time around,I have returned from England with a heavy cold. Burning throat, runny nose and so on. Must be that I am not resistant to the English strain of flu. Bugger. If you hear a very clogged up newsreader on your radio tomorrow morning, it will be me.
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11 November 2003

Binge


Is it bad when you eat 1 litre of vanilla pudding in a night just because you feel like eating? In my defense: it is beautiful pudding!!!
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OH PLEASE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

Remember Jessica Lynch? The US Soldier who was supposedly shot down during a brave fight in which she was said to have defended her batalion until the bitter end? Rember how that turned out to be rubbish?
And remember how she was rescued in a fabulously brave rescue, filmed by a TV crew. And how it turned out that the whole rescue was nothing but a massive PR stunt because the hospital was as good as deserted and that the Iraqui doctors had tried to hand Jessica over to the Americans but the US Soldiers shot at the ambulance Jessica was in? Well, that same Jessica Lynch is once again used as a pawn in the battle for good PR in Iraq. The battle that the US Army is loosing fast. Very fast.


Iraqi doctors rubbish claim that Lynch was raped

In I Am a Soldier, Too: The Jessica Lynch Story, published yesterday, the author, Rick Bragg, said medical records indicated Private Lynch, who was evacuated by helicopter from a Nasiriyah hospital in a US commando raid, had been raped.
"The records also show that she was a victim of anal sexual assault," the authorised biography said.
"The records do not tell whether her captors assaulted her almost lifeless, broken body after she was lifted from the wreckage, or if they assaulted her and then broke her bones into splinters until she was almost dead.
[snip]
"But Jessi remembers none of this. When she awoke in the military hospital, it was during treatment, not torture. When she came to, the cruelties were over."


So, who exactly knows that she was raped if Jessica herself does not remember anything?
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Another therapy

Like most people in this world, I like people to like me. And like most people in this world, I realise you can ontbe friends with everybody so there will always be people who do not like me. Good, no problem, does not freak me out. Then what does freak me out? When people dislike me before they even know me. For some reason it is extremely importantto me that people dislike me after they have come to know me and are therefor able to make an informed decision on liking me or not.

Example: I have ADHD. This means I am frequently very loud, impulsive and busy. I tend to dominate a party. Especially when it is a party with people I do not know. Itmakes me nervous and anxious to make a good impression. However, I get so 'hyped up' by wanting to make a good impression that I frequently end up being hyperactive, leaving the people who do not know me behind with a feeling of 'who the fuck was that?'. This is what I hate: if people end up disliking me because of that impression. Because I am not like that all the time. I am not just loud, impulsive and busy. I am also lots of other things. Social. Friendly. Caring. Loving. Smart. Arrogant. Whatever. And for some reason I want people to weigh ALL the facts before they dislike me. Strange huh........? I don't mind people disliking me. I mind them deciding they don't like me before they really know me. But the problem is that people who don't like you usually don't take the time to get to know you.......problem.

Example: I go to a shop and buy 4 bunches of roses for my girlfriend because I feel that 1 bunch is not enough to show her I love her. So I ask the bloke for 4 bunches. As he is packing them, I realise that I can ill afford 4 bunches of roses; it was impulsive again. What now? If I tell him that I have been impulsive and I would actually only like 1 bunch, he will certainly think I am an idiot. So I buy the 4 bunches, my girlfriend realises I can not actually afford them so she is not all that cheerful about it, and I feel like a fool for having been impulsive again and on top of that, my girlfriend is not as happy with the roses as I had hoped she would be (because she ralises I have been impulsive again and how sad it makes me sometimes that I have been impulsive again and so on.) So instead of a cheerful happy occasion of giving her roses, it turns into a dissapointing moment of me feeling stupid.
If the salesman had known that the impulsive behaviour comes from my ADHD, I would not have had ANY trouble in telling him that I was impulsive and that I really can only a afford 1 bunch so please, put the other 3 back again. But you don't tell total strangers all that. If anything, it would make you look like an even bigger idiot. And after all, it is none of their business. I should just be able to say: Sorry, I was impulsive, I would like only 1 bunch of roses and not 4. And walk away without feeling like an idiot.

Started cognitive behavior therapy today. Interesting concept. Not that I am severely depressed or in dire need of therapy. But The above things piss me off enormously. Like this weekend at Jane's place with her flatmates. I tried not to be impulsive because I wanted them to like me or at least get to see the 'whole' me. So I spent the whole weekend trying to be calm, resulting in my being in fact quite hyperactive and manifesting myself in the house like a whirlwind. They must have thought: what the hell.

ANyway, Cognitive Therapy sounds interesting. And it sort of was. I need to avoid looking at it as a ration thing where I rationalise everything to the extend that the whole AIM of the course flies right over my head because I analyse it to death.

So what is Cognitive Therapy? Well, to quote Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, : "The thing that upsets people is not what happens but what they think it means." Cognitive Therapy tries to make your thought processes clear to you. How certain thoughts influence your emotions and behaviour. Example:

Situation: Friend is late for dinner.

What do you think: "She might have been hurt on the way here."
How do you feel: Worried or anxious
What do you do: Call hospital ERs to find out if she's there


Or maybe:
Think: "She didn't bother to let me know she was delayed."
Feel: Annoyed or angry
Do: Chew her out, or act chilly, when she does show up

Or:
Think:"I needed the time to fix the house up anyway."
Feel: Relieved
Do: Relax and enjoy yourself


Three completely different reactions to the same situation. And how you FEEL about his is based on what you THINK about the situation. So inthe next few weeks, I will be trying to first recognise the thoughtpatterns, and then try to change them. I can see why this could be very effective indeed.
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10 November 2003

And the results are.....

Back from 5 days with Jane. I HATE leaving. Eventhough I know I will be back soon (in 3 weeks as a matter of fact), I still hate leaving. Spent most of the weekend hanging out together as they call it. I went to look for rooms to rent and came home with a bike instead......? Oh well, at least I now have a wonderful Raleigh Chinook bike to move myself around on once I move to Leamington. I am convinced the thing was stolen as I bought it from a guy on the street. He was waiting in front of a 2nd hand junk store to sell it and I said I was loking for a bike. He asked for 45 Pounds, I offered him 35 and the deal was done. Heheheeh. Cool bike with front wheel suspension.

What else did I do? Well, I had a good look around:

Leamington Spa: Properties to rent: Belvoir Lettings
Letalife.com
Rooms in Leamington Spa

And now I realise I will not have to worry too much about finding ANY kind of place to live in Leamington Spa. I am quite happy to live in a student flat for a few months until I get my life sorted out. Order of importance:
1) Place to live
2) Job (any kind of job, even at local pub would be good)
3) Get a car (to enhance job prospects for 'real job')
4) Live with Jane (hopefully September this year)

Obviously this does not mean I am not putting Jane on top of the list. it just means that it makes sense to organise MY life first before I can start sharing it with someone else.

All looks pretty organised if you ask me. Scary!!

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08 November 2003

2 days in England

I am in England. It is 8am on my 3rd day here. So far it has been an interesting experience. Jane has, erhm...interesting flatmates to say the least. On my first night here, on Thursday, one of her flatmates came home so incredibly drunk that other flatmates spent the night in her bedroom because they were afraid she wouldn't wake up anymore. After a good talk, we came to the conclusion her drink was spiked in the pub. Lesson 1: DON'T TAKE DRINKS FROM STRANGERS IN THE PUB. She was lucky though: her friends saw her talking to this man and dragged her away from him and, much to his dismay, took her home. He can only have been planning something bad because if a woman is no longer able to stand on her two feet, what man would object to her being taken home by her friends? Only a man who is planning something really nasty with an incapacatated woman if you ask me.

But she is fine again now. Bit shocked. Reported it to the police. But she is fine. She was very very lucky.

But there is more to this house.
7 girls. One eats when she is stressed. Eats too much when she is stressed. And spends her life apologising for even existing. Pisses me off when people apologise for simply walking in to a room. So when she was binging again last night, I played innocent and said: wow, you eat a lot. She said I should leave her alone and that she was fine and I should not worry. But hell, all she did was eat. And then the flatmates sit in the living room together, looking at eachother, knowing this girl is 'occupying' the upstairs toilet. WHat can they do about this? Tell her she needs help? Tell her she eats to much? She already knows that and is, apparently, in therapy. So what do you do about someone who dominates the house? Who completely fills the place with her emotional presence? Chuck her out? That destroys her. Tell her she needs help? She already knows that. Yell at her? That destroys her.

And the worst thing about 7 people living in 1 house, is that nobody here seems to want to clear away their junk. The kitchen has almost no space left for all the dirty cups, mugs and plates. So I did the dishes when I was bored yesterday. But then nobody feels the need to clear away the massive pile of CLEAN dishes either. So iit is one big fuck off mess. I looked at all that and I vowed to Jane that I would take her away form this all.

Later today, we are going to have a look at a room. Just so that I know how much money i will need to spend once I live here. To get an idea of what kind of places are on offer. We were supposed to have a look at another room last night. But when we called to tell him we were coming, he said it wasn't a good time because erhm....he...erhm..he had the police there 'for a minor problem' and could we make it Sunday? No thanks. We kindly declined.
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05 November 2003

On the move

I am off to England for a few days. Will be back late Monday night. The plan: looking for places to stay, see what jobs are going around in Leamington Spa. Basic orientation on my future place to live. Anyone here willing to get me a job around Leamington Spa/Coventry/Birmingham?

And then, when I have moved, what kind of job should I do? Paramedic? Tax Collector? Sales Assistant? Busty Barmaid? Suggestions welcome in the Comments Box.
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04 November 2003

Anti-Israel = Anti Semitism?

75% of all Dutch people believe Israel is the biggest threat to world peace. The European Commission says it is very unhappy with the resluts. Why? Is there something wrong with thinking this? Israel responded by saying the poll was flawed. Cabinet Minister Shalom says it is an error in the report that 59% of Europeans see Israel en not countries like Syria, Iran, North-Korea or Afgehnistan as the biggest threat to the world. I interpret that as: he refuses to see something is wrong with his country.

And of course the Israeli Minister of Diaspora-Affairs(???) immideately said it is proof of growing antisemitism in the world. Well, correct me if I am wrong, but Israel is not the same as "all Jews". I have nothing against the state of Israel as such. Nothing against Jews as such. I have massive problem with the way they seem to claim the exclusive rights to suffering. Whenever someone critisises Israel, all they have to do is scream "Anti-semitism" and the whole world feels sorry for them. The result is a ridiculous fear by world leaders to be qualified as anti-semitic. And so Israel can continue to claim the right to defend themselves. And they can continue to do so by killing innocent Palestinian citizens. All Israel has to do is say: But they are terrorists. Or they are breeding ground for terrorists. I think Israel sees every Palestinian woman as dangerous. After all, she could give birth to a terrorist so why not kill the women and children before they become terrorists?

And the world just watches and accepts it. And whenever the UN wants a resolution against Israel, America blocks it. Because in every resolution, America wants to mention that Palestinians are terrorists. Why can the UN not accept a resolution that says: Israel should stop the bombing and killing of innocent civilians? Because that is what Israel does.
Sure, it is what terrorists do aswell, but why the hell protest against Patestinian terrorism and then more or less sanction Israeli terrorism? The answer is simple: nobody wants to be called anti-semitic. It seems to be the worst thing you can call someone. And Israel knows this. And plays this trump card over and over and over again.
The sheer existence of Israel is indeed a threat to world peace. Does not mean I think it should be destroyed. But it is a fact that Israel causes a lot of war in the Middle East. And that they are a bunch of bloody hypocrites. Just like all those countries around them. They are no better or worse. They build a wall to keep Palestinian terrorists out. SO they say. But they build the wall with a few detours so that they can include some of the most fertile land. Land that is OCCUPIED TERRITORY.

I don't support Palestinian terrorism. I hate it as much as Israeli state terrorism. And calling Israel on it is NOT the same as being anti-Jewish. It has nothing to do with it.

So when 75% of the Dutch people say they see Israel as a threat to world peace, it is not the same as saying 75% see Jews as a threat to world peace. I shits me to no end that the whole world kow-tows to Israel. And George Bush has made things so much worse. He is blinded by his own Christianity. At least under Clinton there was hope for peace because he had the guts to tell Israel to stop being a terrorist itself. Let's pray that Bush does not get re-elected.
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03 November 2003

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Ever tried to explain your father on the phone why you can not help him when he says: "My computer does not work. Why?"

You know, when he clicks before he tell you what he sees on screen because he thinks he knows what he is doing? And then making fun of you when you tell him to just LISTEN instead of clicking left right and centre.

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Lunchtime game

80's Lyrics Quiz

No cheating by using Google!!
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Goodmorning

What better way to start the day with the news that a man has his head caught between his truck and the back-door and that his head is just about to come off. Great. Some days I am glad I am not a reporter anymore but that I can stay behind my desk andproduce newsstories. Our camerawoman just called to tell us she was sick when filming. Poor girl. Must be a horrible sight: we don't even do close-ups of things like that and still she gets sick. Must be quite nasty.
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01 November 2003

We shouldn't be surprised but still.....


More than 70 American companies and individuals have won up to $8 billion in contracts for work in postwar Iraq and Afghanistan over the last two years, according to a new study by the Center for Public Integrity. Those companies donated more money to the presidential campaigns of George W. Bush - a little over $500,000 - than to any other politician over the last dozen years, the Center found. [snip] Nearly 60 percent of the companies had employees or board members who either served in or had close ties to the executive branch for Republican and Democratic administrations, for members of Congress of both parties, or at the highest levels of the military.


Source:The Center for Public Integrity
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