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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

13 January 2004

I cut myself

So what, you wonder. Well, it bloody hurts. Litterally. I have to take 1.5 Ritalin, 4 times a day. And since pills don't come in halves, that presents a problem. Enter: The Pill Master. A nifty litle thing that can ground your pills, store them, serve as a drinking-cup and........cuts them in half. In the lid is a razor blade. Put the pill underneath and SMACK, close the lid. Result: 2 perfect halves. Yes, yes, I can hear you say: TELL US THE STORY!!!! Well, my tip of the day: do not randomly drop The Pillmaster in your bag. Because when you stick your hand in your bag without looking...............SLASH! Your fingers get slashed by a merciless razorblade. And at 4:56am you really don't want to be running around the house with a finger that won't stop bleeding, a wet tea-towel to try and stop that bleeding, no plasters and 4 minutes to make the 10 minute drive to work (yes, I do start at 5am some times, so I was already late this morning).

It is a strange feeling when you feel the blade cut your finger and for a split second you think: Oh shit, I have cut myself. And then it hurts. And I wrap a massive bandage around it by lack of normal plasters. So I impress everyone. Until I make the mistake of taking the bandage off during the day, just to check if it has stopped bleeding. Of course it has. And they look at my finger. And in silence, they all go their separate ways. Not saying anything. Just giving eachother that look that says: "She is Such a Whimp".

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