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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk

Trying to get the balance right

20 March 2004

I was listening to Mary Black and I came across the song " Trying to get the balance right". How do you get the balance right? How do you go from a long distance relationship too a living around the corner one? It makes no sense to spend a night apart now that you live so close. But the whole point of not moving in together right away was that we wanted to take it slow. Or at least make sure we both build our own lives before we start sharing. I guess as long as I don't have a job and as long as Jane is away from Uni for a few weeks, we don't have any pressing engagements that make it hard to be together. I hover around town and Jane does work at home: we might As well be together. On Sunday, Jane will be off to her parents. I am not coming along because I have things to do on Monday. That will be the first time we spent a night apart since I arrived here. I am looking forward to getting a job. I want to see what it will be like to not have all day to hang around the house or have nothing else to do but go to Jane. I told Jane I wanted to sleep at my own place tonight because I felt ' it was the thing to do'. Quite right she wondered why the hell I said that. I could find no reason so here I am: watching the Rugby (Go Wales!!!) with Jane. When it is over, we are going to have a bath.

So far, I am enjoying it a lot here. But I think it has not sunk in yet that this is a permanent thing. That I will have to learn the rules of Rugby. And Cricket. And that I will be buying a car with the steering wheel on the wrong side sometime soon. And that I am not going back home. Home to Radio TV West. And that is just the weirdest thing: That I no longer work for Radio TV West. That I am no longer a journalist. That I now have to do something new entirely. Something I never had to do in my life.

But with Jane and me things are OK. We are working on this. Trying to get the balance right.

We don't always live in harmony
And often there are times when we are enemies
I fight with you, and you fight with me
Trying to get the balance right.

Sometimes we cause each other pain
Sometimes our wills are not the same
And often we tire of the strain
Trying to get the balance right.


Like a circus pair
High up in the air
Working on their act
We need that kind of pact
High above the ring
Watch them balancing
See how they unite
We too can get it right.

We don't always seem to get along
And one of us often acts too strong
Sometimes we find we're goin' wrong
Trying to get the balance right.


We don't always live in harmony
And often there are times when we are enemies
But I love you and you love me
When we get the balance right
When we get the balance right
We can get the balance right.


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