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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk

On being praised...

03 September 2004

I hate appraisals. I always think I will be cornered and told of
something that has been annoying my boss immensely and I really need to
clean up my act or I am out. I had mine yesterday. And it was great. He
likes me, they like me. He likes my work and thinks I could go far,
either in this company or elsewhere. Cool. Had a discussion on me ending
up managing people. I am not sure I want that responsibility but it is
nice that he feels I could be going that way.
We discussed the way I work (not good enough I feel, brilliant he
feels), the way I organise my work (not good enough I feel, great he
feels), the way I initiate new things for myself to do (Not good enough
I feel, great he feels). So all in all, it was good, they like me, I
like them (Well, most of them) and I am staying for a little longer.

But it makes me wonder. I am not used to working in a business
environment where the idea is to grow as high as you can. So I need to
be nice to the right people and be wary of others. But I am not like
that. I don't discriminate like that and I can not be bothered to spend
time finding out who to be nice to. I have respect for authority but I
am as nice to the MD as I am to the secretary downstairs. I will not be
nicer to someone just because being nice might get me a better position
in the company. I guess I am too naive to realise that other people
might not always be like that. That they might only be nice to me
because they need things from me to get them in a better position. So I
wonder if I am ever going to go far in business. Should I change and
become a little more cynical? Or should I stay like I am and possibly
never climb far up the ladder........


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