Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk

Kerry wins!!

04 November 2004

Well, in the rest of the world at least (Thanks to Mannetje van de Radio for the picture).

Why did the Americans vote for Bush? Not because of Iraq, not because of the massive tax cuts, not because of the education system in ruins. No, they voted on moral issues. In the end it turns out that, to a mother in the poor south of the USA, it is more important to stop gay people on the other side of the country from getting married than it is to get her own children a good education or her husband a job. In the end, the rich businessman who made his millions in the casinos in Las Vegas by ripping off gamblers is concerned about a 14 y/o girl having a *gasp* abortion after not having access to contraception. Please people. What is needed it seems is Christian Democrats. Christian Radicals have hijacked the Republican Party and the biggest bastard of them all is The President.

Yesterday I was depressed all day. Every once so often I get depressed about why people hate gays and lesbians so much without knowing them and when it does not even concern them.
Why is it so important for straight, happily married people in a town where they never see gay people, to make sure that gay people do not get the right to get married? In Ohio, the people voted for a ban on introducing 'any kind of union designed to approximate marriage'. So not just marriage, but any kind of union, civil or otherwise, that gives couples the same human rights are married couples or even unmarried straight couples who can decided each other as de-facto spouses...

I had a massive sulk and felt hated all day. People at work asked me why I was looking so sad. I did not go to rugby training and when J. came home, I had a rant about Americans and then I had an almost hysterical crying session about rugby and insecurity. I am insecure about my rugby. I feel like I am the person hanging around the side of the team, never really appreciated and always first on the list to be substituted. Not true if you look at the bare facts but J. joining the team and getting in the starting line-up from day one made me upset. And then another girl was brought in by the coach and she is his protégé and I feel threatened by this as I feel she will get more chances. This is probably all irrational but it made me upset because it stems from my total insecurity in what I am doing. Since I feel I am doing it all wrong, every new person looks like they are better than me and thus they are a threat to my already flimsy position.

I don't take my meds when I go to training. Maybe I should. When I do something wrong, I am hard on myself and get all stroppy and negative. I don't know if Ritalin stops that from happening but maybe I should try taking the stuff at night as well when I go to training and see what happens. J. stopped short of calling me disruptive at training sometimes (this sent me into an even bigger flood of tears) when I am angry at myself.

The friendly match on Sunday has been cancelled after our first win last Sunday. Monday is a special training for Forwards. I'll go and give it my best. I did not feel like going last night as I would have been devastated and disruptive after every error I made. But I would have liked sitting on the side listening, watching and learning.

And all that because idiots in America voted for a religious nutcase.


Post a Comment