Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

29 January 2004

Gone for my girl

I am off to pick my lovely Jane up from the airport. I am ready for a weekend of sheer happiness and joy. Yippie. I love you Jane. Today Jane had to do lots of driving. And since the weather is absolutely abysmal, I asked her to text me whenever she had arrived safely. And she did. She is sweet. Someone at work accuded me of acting like a mother. I don't. I just worry about my love being out on the roads when there is snow and ice.
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28 January 2004

The bleedin' obvious


It's a sign of the times

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Time for some bunnies

I did not know that as a lesbian you could do this. I thought lesbians adored women and treated them like queens. But apparently I have ticked someone off really badly with this weblog. I humbly apologise if I did so.

'Bunny Factor' objectifies women.

Women are no objects. They are worth worshipping, adulation and adoration. Enter The Bunny Cult. Hmmmm, it is starting to look like I refer to women as Bunnies. I would never do that. It would majorly piss-off the feminists. They are annoyed already because they they wonder: why are young women welcoming the return of the Bunny?. Interesting question. Maybe because a Bunny is fluffy and soft and there is a new kind of woman who agrees she can be fluffy and soft and yet stand up for herself. But just as she has regained her power, a new question emerges: Why the Bunny now means ... nothing.

Confused with all those different opinions about Bunnies? So am I. So I am simply going to stick to my own opinion. Many of you will have wondered what The Bunny Factor 10 actually means. Well, here is the secret: Jane and I came up with the term when we were trying to find a scale to indicate how hot, appealing, horny or attractive something or someone is. Saying "BF10" in public sounds better than saying: "I am horny as hell, let's go home and shag like bunnies". We did not know there already was such a thing as "The 'Dust-Bunny' Factor " to indicate how tidy gay men become once they move in together. I much prefer the meaning Jane and I have attributed to The Bunny Factor.

Come to think of it, if I re-read the last paragraph again, they might be right after all: 'Bunny Factor' objectifies women. Yeah. Makes it all much easier to speak about them in public.
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What to do

I am moving to Leamington Spa in England. Close to Birmingham, about 1 hour drive. (Jane drove past 'my' new house and says it is absolutely massive!!!!) I am looking forward to that. But I am slightly worried about not having a job. It will of course turn out OK in the end but for now, I have everything arranged, except a job. So what do I do when I see this job ad for a Dutch Speaking Production Subtitler. I immideately think of applying for it. But it is in London. The only way I would be able to actually get to my work would be by living in London. And I am not living in London.
Also, the job requires an immideate start.
So now what? I just got a place to live in Leam, I have 2 months to go before I leave The Netherlands. But on the other hand it is quite a cool opportunity with a good chance of getting that job. SHould I apply and change all my plans? I don't want to apply and decide when I get the job. My mind tells me to apply: I am without a job and I need one. But my heart says: Calm down. It is nowhere near where you wanted to live, you are not ready for 2 months and living in London would defeat the purpose of moving to be closer to Jane.

I had thought that maybe once I have a car, I could start applying for jobs outside the immideate Leamington area.
There, I have decided. I am not applying for it. Now tell me I am stupid.
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27 January 2004

My life is complete

You are what people in a former era might have termed 'touched'. Mad and brilliant, your genius may only fully be appreciated 100 years from now. At the moment people just think you're a bit weird.

Genius is not valued like it once was so you rely on handouts from friends and family. But don't worry - they'll always help because secretly they think you're amazing.

Which Harper are you

I knew it. I knew it.

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26 January 2004

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On strange search-strings

Two things hitme when I saw this search-string in my stats:
"does getting fingered feel different than fingering yourself?"

1) How the hell did they end up on my site?
2) Is there really still someone who searches with complete questions like this (note the questionmark)

The first question is easily solved when I look at the results you get from the search:
Bunny Factor 10 - ... As a lesbian, I have tried this. And it DOES work like that. ... Of course it has. And they look at my finger. ... But it is getting very very hard. ...

Now does that look like a porn site for lesbians or what?
We all know how searchengines index weblogs: they just compile words from all different posts. So the most innocent queries can take you to a porn site. Or the other way around. Like happened here.

The second question is a little harder to answer. I mean, do they really expect there to be a site that gives the exact match?

In my search for a better search-string, I stumbled across this site:Research Center For Multiple, Sexual Orgasms . Ready to get some interesting tips to improve my love life, I was unpleasantly surprised to learn that the Church is right after all: too much masturbation can make you weak.
Over-ejaculation melts down the acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions first and then the liver functions that release essential enzymes for the syntheses of the neurotransmitters acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin and the chains of hormone production; it causes the brain and adrenal functions to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. It results in the brain's and nervous dysfunctions, stress, anxiety, impatience, eye floaters or fuzzy vision, buzzing (noisy) ears, cardiovascular irregularities, urinary incontinence, male and female "prostatitis," weak kidney functions, pain or cramp in the pelvic cavity or/and tail bone, weak muscles or ligaments, and so on.


Well well well.And here is me thinking I was just feeling a little under the weather...... And I am laughing harder and harder as I read on. Lots of pseudo-medico babble but inthe end, it can all be solved by buying this bloke's pills. (I knew it!!) This bloke tries to tell us that masturbating too much is wrong yet we should all have as many orgasms as possible, but only with an erect penis, otherwise it can make you seriously ill. Or something like that.
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25 January 2004

A place to stay

I am a happy bunny. The afore mentioned lady has mailed me that there is no problem at all for me to move in with her and her young son. I am a very happy bunny now. I have a place to stay in Leamington. Another small step on the road to England. Actually, it is a large step. I am feeling more relaxed about things now. Because having a place to stay means I will be able to get a bank account. And having a bank account means I can have a job.

Funny detail: the lady is Italian. My sister is married to Simone, an Italian originally from Napoli. So there is an Italian theme running through the family. And the lady has a little 4-year old son. That will be interestnig. I can do all kinds of boy-things with him.
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Interesting link of the day...week....month.....whenever I refresh it

Forensic Medicine for Medical Students
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24 January 2004

On being gay part 3

In my Quest to explain to some people what it means to be gay with everything you do, here is part 3.
I am looking for a room in Leamington Spa, England. So a lady contacted me, saying she has a room available. Reasonably priced, she even comes with a little boy to help me practice for when I have my own:) I am seriously interested in the room. The price is good, the timeframe is good, the location is good......
And then, for some reason, I feel the need to tell her I am a lesbian. And I mail her, telling her I am gay and that if that is a problem for her, would she please tell me and I will look elsewhere for a room.

You can argue: you did not need to tellher that. It doesn't matter. But it does. What if she hates gay people? What if I am moving in, my girlfriend stays over for the night (she mentioned not having trouble with my boyfriend staying........) and she tells me to move out because she does not want her son to be exposed to such filth......that would be even more painful than asking her now and getting rejected.

I am hoping it won't be a problem. But the simple fact that I felt the need to make sure she doesn't mind reminds me again that those straight people who say that being gay is no longer a problem in today's society are all very very wrong. I have a coming-out almost every day, if I want it or not. And I am not even 'the most overt lesbian' around. There are lots of people who don't expect me to be a lesbian. Well........as few:) But I wonder what it must be like for some gay men and women who really 'look the part'. They must have it even harder than me sometimes.

I am feeling sad right now. But the sweet thing is that I called my dad to sort of get it off my chest. And he was almost pissed off at society that his daughter had to even mention that. My parents are just so fabulous. They are everything a lesbian could ever wish for. In other areas there is room for improvements of course........:)
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23 January 2004

Scoop

Yippie! I did lots of good work today. Checking and researching and searching and more searching until I get to speak to the right person. But unfortunately there isn't a direct story coming from it. But it adds to the info we have on the subject. And maybe at some point we can use this info. Because nobody else has spoken to this woman...........
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21 January 2004

State of the Union

I know nothing about economics. I am an Alpha is there ever was one: I can speak languages and learn history and write essays. Just don't ask me to calculate ANYTHING.

But there is something I really think I understand. And yet I seem to be wrong. hat is it? It is the State of the Union by george Bush. He promised to do something about the unemployment in the US. He promised to boost the American economy, he promised to do something about education. However, he also said that he wants to spend considrable amounts of money on 'rebuilding Iraq'. And make sure more Americans can afford healthinsurance. And yet he wants more tax cuts.

I know my understanding of anything financial is limited but I always thought that if you spend money on one end, you have to make sure you get money back elsewhere. So if they cut taxes AND spend more money on Iraq, doesn't that mean the budget will be even more out of balance and the deficit will be even bigger than it is now? I remember when Bush started, the USA had the biggest surplus ever and now it is the biggest deficit ever. Something tels me it has to do with spending 87 BILLION dollars in Iraq AND sticking to taxcuts. And the loss of 3.9 million jobs means even less taxincome.

Now if I can see that, then why can the American voter not see that? Am I stupid? Is Bush a magician? Or is Bush stupid?
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Done

I resigned. Eeeeekkkkkkkkk.
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Today is the day

Today marks a shift in my life. We all have moments when we realise our lives will never be the same. Moments when we feel the earth shift. Moment when we realise something has died dep inside us.

I had a moment like that this morning. For weeks I knew it was coming. I knew that some day soon I would have to face The Moment. I have not really worked very hard to avoid it, eventhough I could quite easily. But all the time I thought that it wouldn't happen to me. I thought I would be excluded from the majority of the population. Why was I so naive? Why did I not act sooner? So now I will have to deal with the consequences of my laziness. But first I will need to accept this new phase in my life. And today I will have to endure the laughter of my colleagues.

Today, for the first time in my life, I had to lie down on the floor to be able to zip up my jeans.
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19 January 2004

Hit'm

Stephen Hawking, the severely disabled British scientist renowned for his theories on cosmology, has suffered a series of mystery assaults. It said that Professor Hawking's three children and nurses who have cared for him feared he could be the victim of the controversial Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, in which sufferers harm others to draw attention to themselves.
Apparently his wife is the one inflicting the injuries on him. Eeeewww. Shows you how vulnerable people in wheelchairs are. This man is a genius and yet he is totally dependant on his wife and children to care for him.

Is it just me that I wondered for a split second: He has kids. HOW?


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Make me Beautiful Kill Me

Author dies during facelift. The author of the book The First Wives Club has died after a facelift. She died of a heartattack during the operation. Bugger. And you think a face-lift is one of the safest procedures. Oh well, at least she won't have to worry about looking beautiful anymore. In the Kingdom of Heaven, everyone is beautiful. (Blegh). So the lesson here is: If you want to be beautiful, you will have to die.
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18 January 2004

Too enthousiastic

I was going to ship my bed to England. Until someone pointed out that it was way too expensive. I would be much better off selling the bed and buying another one once overthere. So I put the bed up for sale on the internet. Thinking it might take a few days before people would noticemy ad amongst the hundreds of others. WRONG. it is sold already. Which poses a bit of a problem: Where do I sleep until I leave? I have agreed to deliver the bed in the first week of February. I will be well on my way to moving so that is no problem. I have cancelled my room and insurances, and now I have sold my bed. I am really moving real soon.
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17 January 2004

More gay issues

And again Darren, it bewcomes a post. Sorry mate.I am just on a high horse here with an issue that is very very important to me.

I'm still unsure of how your description adds up to 24 hours a day. For example: say you're a gay programmer, and you spend, say, eight hours in front of the computer each day. How is the experience of writing code influenced by your homosexuality?

Hehehe. I am not sure it is meant that directly. Of course I don't write gay-code. I think the point I am trying to make is that it is not just something that you can switch off so you have to deal with things like the 9 tips ALL THE TIME. Anything I say about relationship, sexuality or things like that is interpreted differently than the things you say. If I tell someone I went to the movies last night, they ask: What movie? I say: Sister my Sister. They say: But that film has a lesbian-theme. Are you gay? I say: Yes. And with 2 easy questions, they know my sexuality. Yet people will always ask me why I keep volunteering that information to total strangers!!!!! Hey it is not my fault! You ask, I answer.

Tip #10 did not say that everything gay people do is related to their sexuality. I am assuming the things you do aren't either. The point is that you can not hide it without compromising your quality of life. There are a lot of people who hide it succesfully but if you ask them if they are truely happy, they will have to say no. Because if you avoid EVERYTHING that could lead people to your sexuality, you can not tell them what books you read, what films you go to, what pub you go to, who your friends are and so on. You can't tell people you have a partner because avoiding the word he or she is a pain. Because all these things *might* lead to a question about being gay. Go and try it for a day: avoid absolutely everything that could lead to a question about your sexuality. It is almost impossible. Unless you completely make a new life for yourself and lie every day. That is why so many gay people have psychiatric problems.

Hmmm...... drifting a little here. My point is that there is of course no gay-code. There isno straight code and it is ridiculous to suggest things like that. But while you are typing that code, I am assuming you talk to your colleagues about your weekendplans. Or the new house you are buying with your partner.

So when people say they don't understand what the big deal is, after all, it is only about who you sleep with, it hurts and it is blatantly untrue. Because if it was, then as long as we are not talking about sex, there wouldn't be a problem. BUt unfortunately it is. Because I am not just gay when I am in bed. I am gay when I get yelled at in the pub. I am gay when I get refused partner-benefits, I am gay when I do not get that job in a school because they do not want gay-teachers. I am gay when people keep asking me if all lesbians are like Martina Navratilova, I am gay when a priest abuses a little boy and people around me more or less suggest all gay men are pedophiles. Iam gay when once again gay people are used as a joke in ads to make straight people laugh. That is what it means. Not that my HTML is gay.
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16 January 2004

On being gay 24 hours a day

In the comments about 10 Tips for the Heterosexual, Darren said:
I wonder if you could expand a bit on #10 there. I mean, I'm a heterosexual 24 hours a day, but I don't think it shapes the whole of my existence. That is, aside from being attracted to and having sex with women, what parts of one's day is driven by a man's heterosexuality? And how do those parts differ for a homosexual man?


I was writing a comment but it became way too long for the comment box. So it ends up as a proper post.

Well, people tend not to see beyond what gay people do in their bedrooms. It seems to them that there is nothing more to it than that. But there is. When I want to get the same benefits for my partner at work as other couples, I have to fight, sometimes even take it to court. Rights that are available to other people are not available to me. Luckily in The Netherlands, I can get married to my girlfriend so in this country that is not really an issue.

It shapes your behaviour more than you realise. Your sexuality has a deep influence on how you relate to people in daily life. Everyone approaches people differently. Ask yourself: When you go shopping and the check-out girl is a pretty girl, do you approach her differently than when it would be a bloke? I don't mean in a sexual way or with lust or something. I can tell you the answer is yes. You might smile more at her, even say hello when maybe you wouldn't do that with a bloke. When you see a woman with a car break-down, do stop to offer help? Would you with a bloke? Try it for a week or so and you will see. It all works subconciously. As a lesbian, I have tried this. And it DOES work like that. And it is nothing sexual whatsoever.

I believe that it is rubbish when gay people try to deny that a number of gays and lesbians (in my opinion a LARGE NUMBER) 'look' different. In my circle of friends, I DO find that lesbians tend to behave different than straight women. In small ways. They way they dress, their outlook on life. If you want to use classifications, I would say more 'masculin' without havnig to be total butches. And vice-versa for gay men. This means that eventhough I am not a screaming dyke, people tend to ask me 'are you a lesbian' just out of the blue. As if that isn't rude..............
It means I am confronted with my sexuality lots of times during the day. Not just when I am in bed.

When I am in a pub and I bring my girlfriend a beer, I give her a peck on the cheeck. When you do that, you probably won't feel the eyes of half the male population on you. I do most of the time. And it bugs me. The more I am with straight people, the more gay they make me feel. When you watch TV, you don't even realise you see straight people all the time. When I watch TV, I do. When I watch Will and Grace, I laugh, as you do probably. But I also think: It would be nice to see a 'normal' gay person on TV, a gay person who is 'just there' and not the centre of jokes that focus on his/her homosexuality. For example: Kerry Weaver on ER had a massive coming-out storyline (read: interesting drama and snogging women) and now that she is a lesbian, it is never mentioned again whilst we see other characters having all sorts of relationships. Like showing gay and lesbian people in their normal day-to-day life is more shocking than lifting their storyline out and make it big and special.

That is what it means to be gay 24 hours a day. Actually, it doesn't even begin to describe what it means. But that doesn't mean I find it a problem in the least. I am happy with my sexuality. Niot proud of it. I am only proud for things I have achieved, things I had to work for. So I am proud of the way I live with my sexuality, for the way I approach life and other people. And proud of how I deal with people being rude and nasty. But I am not proud of simply being a lesbian. That is the easy part of it all.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm............very very long post.
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15 January 2004

They can all go to hell

I am so done with the people in this place. Deadlines are a daily occurrence in tv reporting. We go live with the news at 6pm. One can assume that EVERYBODY works as hard as they can to get things finished in time. So what is the use of a F*************N director calling me every 2 minutes to ask if I am ready yet. And then call me to say: I need those headlines NOW. Well, I am sorry, they are not finished OR I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SO. F***********K OFF.
Due to computer crashes and peopel taking longer than they should, they were not finished. Sometimes that happens. What pisses me off more than anythign is that they then let me wait 20 minutes before they tell me I can send them the headlines (over the network from the editsets to the control room). In the mean time I hear them on the intercom about the weather, taking their time to do their stuff, chatting and what have you. In the meantime, someone else has to WAIT until they can start editing because I am still waiting for them downstairs to load my headlines from my computer. I tell them, they say: You didn't have time earlier, now we don't have time for you.

They call themselves professionals but they deliberately take the risk of the report that is supposed to be edited AFTER me in that edit suite, not being finished. Just to prove their point.

You most likely did not uderstand any of this rant. I don't care. I don't want to work here anymore. I want to leave. Soon. They are pissing me off. I know things are hard for everyone because of all the colleagues that have been fired. Fine. But stop complaining and get on with your work. And stop thinking that you are the only one who works hard.
Bugger off. Leave me alone.

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13 January 2004

One women and men

On Darren's weblog, I read this question:
Why is it, when a woman points out another woman and says 'she's so pretty', I rarely agree? Is this a common phenomenon? If so, what are the men seeing that the women aren't? Discuss.

I replied in his Comments but I am interested in what people here think. Especially interested to find out if lesbians would be inclined to side with the men or the women on this issue. I am with the women!!!

I guess some part of it has to do with jealousy. Women, much more so than men, tend to not just look at a woman but immideately compare themselves with that woman. So they would rarely come up with a woman men are possibly going to find more attractive physically. (yes, I made that up but I think there is a point in there).

Also, women seem to be able to judge other people's beauty on a non-sexual basis. Women seem capable of seeing the beauty in another women without even considering they might be lesbians. Ask the average man to point out a guy he thinks is beautiful and he will stare at you and tell you 'he is not like that'. So maybe that is why they would like different women: Men look in a more sexual way. (Yet again I made that up and yet again it sounds plausibe. I could be the next Freud. He made it all up and related it to sex.)
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When You Meet A Homosexual: 10 Tips For The Heterosexual

1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.
2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
3. Do not assume he/she is attracted to you.
4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.
5. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a
heterosexual as you may be about meeting a homosexual. He/she
was probably raised with straight people.
6. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or
husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight --
he/she probably already knows.
7. Do not ask him/her how he/she got that way. Instead ask yourself
how you got the way you are.
8. Do not assume he/she is dying to talk about being homosexual.
9. Do not expect him/her to refrain from talking about being
homosexual.
10. Do not trivialize his/her experience by assuming it is a bedroom
issue only. He/she is homosexual 24 hours a day.
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I cut myself

So what, you wonder. Well, it bloody hurts. Litterally. I have to take 1.5 Ritalin, 4 times a day. And since pills don't come in halves, that presents a problem. Enter: The Pill Master. A nifty litle thing that can ground your pills, store them, serve as a drinking-cup and........cuts them in half. In the lid is a razor blade. Put the pill underneath and SMACK, close the lid. Result: 2 perfect halves. Yes, yes, I can hear you say: TELL US THE STORY!!!! Well, my tip of the day: do not randomly drop The Pillmaster in your bag. Because when you stick your hand in your bag without looking...............SLASH! Your fingers get slashed by a merciless razorblade. And at 4:56am you really don't want to be running around the house with a finger that won't stop bleeding, a wet tea-towel to try and stop that bleeding, no plasters and 4 minutes to make the 10 minute drive to work (yes, I do start at 5am some times, so I was already late this morning).

It is a strange feeling when you feel the blade cut your finger and for a split second you think: Oh shit, I have cut myself. And then it hurts. And I wrap a massive bandage around it by lack of normal plasters. So I impress everyone. Until I make the mistake of taking the bandage off during the day, just to check if it has stopped bleeding. Of course it has. And they look at my finger. And in silence, they all go their separate ways. Not saying anything. Just giving eachother that look that says: "She is Such a Whimp".
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Sydney is so beautiful

Waverly Cemetery at Clovelly
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...

Sometimes I just don't know what to say. (I want to avoid a huge long anti-America rant here because I am trying to be more open-minded and not judge all Americans by stories in the media. But it is getting very very hard. Because this is not a stupid individual. This is a LAW that allows this sort of disgusting stuff)

NASHVILLE -- A state appeals court says a gay father must keep his homosexuality in the closet when his son is around.

But the state Court of Appeals says it was wrong for a lower court to send Joseph Randolph Hogue to jail for simply telling the boy he was gay.

As part of a divorce hearing, Hogue was barred from "exposing the child to his gay lovers and, or his gay lifestyle."

Hogue claimed it was an illegal and overly broad restraining order.

The appeals court says it found nothing wrong with the lower court shielding the child from the gay influences.

But the court did agree with Hogue that the order didn't specifically ban the father from telling his son about his sexual orientation.




(via: Fridge Magnet)
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12 January 2004

Self-inflicted

I like round numbers. I am my Bunny Factor 10 own 4000th visitor;)
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I am a leftie


Mind Media Brain Persuasion Test tells me:

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 62%
Visual : 37%
Left : 52%
Right : 47%

And for more explanation:
Marieke, your hemispheric dominance is equally divided between left and right brain, while you show a moderate preference for auditory versus visual learning, signs of a balanced and flexible person.

Your balance gives you the enviable capacity to be verbal and literate while retaining a certain "flair" and individuality. You are logical and compliant but only to a degree. You are organized without being compulsive, goal-directed without being driven, and a "thinking" individual without being excessively so.


That spells only one word to me: BORING!! I am boring. Humbug. That test is seriously flawed. Or maybe not......
The one problem you might have is that your learning might not be as efficient as you would like. At times you will work from the specific to the general, while at other times you'll work from the general to the specific. Sometimes you will be logical in your approach while at other times random. Since you cannot always control the choice, you may experience frustrations not normally felt by persons with a more defined and directed learning style.[...] Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity is not in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, the more obvious and the more functional.


That's me to a tee. I hate internet-tests. Especially when they nailme in 20 easy questions.


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These are The Rules

Planning a trip to London? Planning to use the London Underground? Better make sure you are up-to-date with the Underground Etiquette. Like Lesson #28: If at first your ticket doesn't work, don't try again. Or lesson #29: Staring at seats can give you Magic Eye. Look at the picture: does it or does it not give you Magic Eyes. Makes you wonder what secret images the London Underground have hidden in their seats. Maybe messages for terrorists? Security hints?

Going Underground has everything you ever want to know about the Tube. Celeb-spotting; tips and hints; Tube hygene; Tube quiz; and of course the The fun, almost award winning, London Underground Tube Diary. This will keep you busy for at least 5 days I reckon. It certainly has made me cancel my afternoon snooze. (No, I am not old, I just started my work at 4am this morning). I got so caught up, now it makes no more sense to snooze since it is almost 5pm. Might aswell read a little more.
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Another dream shattered


The ladies of T.a.T.u (I hear you think: WHO?) are not gay. Another dream in shambles. I never though they were just acting it for the cameras. They looked so in love. I always believed they were really lesbians and that they were making a case for young lesbians in Russia. I thought they wanted to show Russian gay youngsters that it is OK to be gay. That is it something you don't need to be ashamed of. At the Eurovision Song Contest, I felt they really provided Europe with a positive rolemodel. Young, confident girls; standing up for themselves. And they could sing very well too. But now one of them has said she is not gay. That she was only pretending and that they both have a boyfriend.

I don't believe it. I refuse to believe it. I think the girls have been brainwashed by their manager to play it straight because being a lesbian might harm their carreer. After all, they are such brilliant singers, if they had been straight, they would already be mega stars. So I think the two young girls could no longer take a stand against growing pressure. And now they are forced back into the closet. I believe lesbians and gays should buy their albums, just to support them. And to show that these days, being gay really does not harm your ercord sales. That in fact, being gay can be really good for your record sales.

After all, didn't half the lesbian world buy Sinead O' Connor's latest album when she said she was a lesbian? (Never mind that when the next album came out, she said she was married to a bloke.) And did gay men not buy George Michael's material as soon as he came out? Many people called it a marketing ploy but I think they really wanted to be courageous and come out. Especially Sinead O'Connor.

So once again: I would encourage all lesbians and gays to bo out and buy the t.A.t.U. (TATU? t.a.t.u.?) albums. Support your lesbian friends!!

[/sarcastic mode]


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09 January 2004

No way back

I can't believe it: I am staring at 5 envelopes. With my life in them. Ready to be mailed. Cancel insurance, cancel room, cancel internet, cancel job..... I am about to put my shoes on and do the most radical thing I have ever done in my life. I am strangely scared. And terribly excited. I am actually DOING it this time. This time it is not another ADHD-induced idea that was concieved in a rush. I am doing it and I am doing it in a prepared manner. I am going to the mailbox and straight to the pub from there because I will need a strong drink I reckon.
Wish me luck.
Jane babe, you better be sure you want me to move to England. Because there is no way back now.
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Wet

Let me give you all a tip:


When you go to the toilet, take your phone OUT of your back pocket. Because when you drop your pants, your phone WILL fall out into the toilet bowl.

I will be out of reach for a few days until mine is dry again.
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[Confession]

I watched Mary Poppins again.
[/confession]
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08 January 2004

Maybe it wasn't so bad

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin is an idiot. It seems the whole world agrees on that. Dangling his son Bob in front of a crocodile at Australia Zoo. Who the hell does Steve Irwin think he is. But here is a film of the even from ANOTHER angle than that one of the pictures you have seen so far.
And CRIKEY........it doesn't look so dangerous from this point of view. Although indeed, Steve Irwin should support the head of the baby a little better. BUt I think every father is guilty of doing that wrong.

Have a look before this guy gets kicked for using too much bandwith.
In support of the Irwins ...

Via: Smoel
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07 January 2004

And in the left corner

Billionaires for Bush.

I have noticed that the Left side of the presidential election camp seems to know their way around the web much better. Just from looking at Blogforamerica.com, the Howard Dean website, there are hundreds of websites and weblogs listed. And a lot of them are started by Dean. He has a targeted blog for just about every minority in the country. studentsfordean.org, unemployedfordean.org. You name it and they have their own blog. Such a shame that Dean knows how to use the internet so well but he will still loose the elections to George Bush. Unfortunately Americans just don't see it. Europe sees it,the rest of the world sees it: George Bush is a danger to America and the rest of the world.

If you are still reluctant, have a look at Bush in 30 seconds. I mentioned it before (as has the rest of the blogging world it seems) but the winning ads are now up and well worth a look. There is some good talent out there on the left. If only they could get over The War. That topic is not what will change voters' minds about voting. Education will. Healthcare will. Civil Rights will. THAT is what they should focus on. Come on Howard!! Come on Dean!
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06 January 2004

It was HIM

Mirror.co.uk - DIANA'S LETTER: IT WAS CHARLES.

The Daily Mirror, tasteful as always, offers pictures. "Every picture is available to buy on a fantastic range of high quality products." So I was seriously tempted to order this front page with Diana's coffin on my nice tea mug. Or maybe as a Tshirt?

Of course we all know Princess Diana was a completely mentally unstable woman. I fear that only now the inquest into her death has started, it will become clear how mentally disturbed she was. I think Diana was definately suffering from a mental illness. And there was no where for the poor woman to go. She was hardly going to get help from the Royal Family. I cried when Diana was carried into the Church in a coffin. As did the rest of the world. I did not cry for her. I cried for the magnitude of the event I was watching.

Anyway, the inquest will show there is nothing suspicious about Diana's death. But I disagree. That driver did not look drunk on the video footage they showed on TV. There is something fishy about it all. But a murder plot? I don't think so. Will the coronar have the guts to admit there WAS a murder plot if he finds one? If he does, he will cause the greatest turmoil since.....well.....I am not sure there has been a similar scandal in the past 200 years....... As a journalist, my news-instinct hopes there was indeed a plan to murder her. But for my own sense of safety in this world, I hope there wasn't. How unsafe will people in Britan feel if they find there was indeed a plan to murder Diana? It would be the end of the monarchy of course.
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Greed?Or am I jealous

Today I watched Oprah's Favorite Things 2003. Oprah gives away 1.5 MILLION US$ in presents (thanks to the sponsors) to the studio audience. The audience never knows that it will be in THAT show. SO when Oprah told the audience, the greedy women screamed their heads off for 5 minutes. And they kept on screaming thoughout the whole show.

These people came in to watch Oprah and went home with, amongst others, DVD-cameras of $1000, a watch of $595, Kashmir sweaters of $395, Macaroons for $15 a dozen!!!! DVD-players, diamonds and gold. To name a few things. And ther was one of each item for EVERY member in the audience. Bloody hell. And let's not forget to name the price for every item we give away and how nice the sponsor is and how great the product. Actually Oprah knows nothing about the product, she just promotes it.

Greedy bitches. I thought christmas was all about The Spirit of giving, not about the greed of getting as much expensive stuff as possible. It was quite a disgusting thing to witness. Screaming women and sponsor-flaunting. Why did they not give the 1.5 million to a good cause? Homeless people or something? Disgusting!!!

Or......

Is it jealousy?

Am I just as greedy? Would I scream my head off too? I wouldn't, that is sure. But I would sink back in my chair and be gobsmacked with every present I got. So it is not the gift-giving that bugs me. It is the American Hysteria. And it seems to be spreading around the world. And that is a worry. Another worry is that I thought: I wish I was in that audience.
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Bunny Sex and Google

If I want to rank high in Google, I need to mention the most popular search words from my own stats in my posts. But the question is: Do I really want to attrackt the kind of people who search for "Bunny" and "Sex". In that combination...... well, just to make sure, I shall mention the Bunny and Sex words again. After all, every visitor is one:) Linkwhore? Me? Not at all.
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Sex and Kennedy


What World Leader are you?



Gosh. Why does this not surprise me?
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05 January 2004

Air Raids

Every first Monday of the month, they test the Air Raid Sirens in Holland. I know there is nothing wrong. They start at midday and it lasts 2 minutes. But it is a very unsettling feeling. The whooping sound is a really unpleasant one. Creates an immideate feeling of doom. Like back in the 50s and 60s. And then again in the 80s. When we were all expecting The Bomb to drop any minute now.
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04 January 2004

Huh

Is it true? Is the longest post in Bunnyfactor 10's history really about Mary Poppins?
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Mary Poppins: Saucy little minx??

As a child I used to LOVE Mary Poppins. In fact, as an adolescent I used to LOVE Mary Poppins. Nah, to be honest: I STILL love Mary Poppins. The film I mean, not the books. I have never read a single letter of the books. Sometimes I wonder why I love it so much. Is it the songs? Nah, they are cheesy at best. Is it the story? About a flying nanny? For a 20-year old student that can hardly be attractive. But what then? Is it Julie Andrews? I loved Mary Poppins even more after seeing Andrews star in Victor/Victoria(where she played a drag-king!) but after seeing The Sound of Music I hated Andrews again. So not the actress herself but maybe the women she played, in the way only Julie Andrews can.

So why have I been mesmerised by Mary Poppins for years? Maybe it is the fact that she is a very strong, determined woman. There is a distinctly butch about her I reckon. So maybe as a budding lesbian, that is why I felt Mary Poppins was way cool. (God how I love making things up as I write. I would be a great Freud: Everything relates back to sex). But I am not the only person to think of Mary Poppins as attractive: With prim, unruffled certainty and a kind of humourless deadpan twinkle, Mary Poppins is rather appealing, even quite sexy.(From: The Science Fiction, Horror and Fantasy Film Review)

And who would EVER think of Maria von Trapp being sexy? A NUN for crying out loud!! (Fantasies about nuns are a wholly different matter). I am not the only one who thinks Maria von Trapp is a far inferior nanny to Mary Poppins. Over at Grudgematch.com the result is clear:

Mary Poppins (753 - 79.5%) draws a chalk outline of Maria von Trapp (194 - 20.5%)


And as one voter says: Mary Poppins is English and supernatural. Maria von Trapp is German and not. Supernatural English women regularly send Germans running (see: "Bedknobs and Broomsticks").

And Mary Poppins has just become more attractive to me. I have just read that Mary Poppins might very well be the AntiChrist!!! For an atheist like me, that is fabulous news. I just watched a documentary about the writer of the Poppins books, P. L. Travers, who was heavily influenced by Russian spiritual leader (or crook as some other people called him) Gurdjieff. Indeed there are a lot of esotheric influences in the book. Mary has supernatural powers and some of the stuff in the books is, to say the least, a smidge deep for children. What about this:

'it may be that to eat and be eaten are the same thing in the end. My wisdom tells me that this is probably so. We are all made of the same stuff, remember, we of the Jungle, you of the City. The same substance composes us -- the tree overhead, the stone beneath us, the bird, the beast, the star -- we are all one, all moving to the same end. Remember that when you no longer remember me, my child'

Hardly the stuff for children.

But back to the original topic.
Return to this childhood classic and you may have the same disturbing discovery I had during my first post-puberty viewing of this film: Mary Poppins is hot. Why? I'm not sure, but it frightens me to think that it might have something to do with her hat. Jordan Rosa

Indeed mate. You get it. So nothing scared me more when in 1999 I read that Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, was tapped to play a Mary Poppins-like character in a series called "A Spoon full of Sugar". Thank God it never happened. Because nobody is as un-hot as Geri Halliwell. Or Mariah Carey who famously said that she was Mary Poppins-like prude. Mary Poppins? Prude? Hah! I beg to differ. I think underneath that hat and tight buttoned jacket, there is a raging beast waiting to pop out.
Why do these so called 'hot' women want to be associated with a dull nanny like Mary Poppins. Because these women know what we all know deep inside our heart: Mary Poppins is downright HOT.



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Humbug.......again

Wife going home. Me not in good mood. Me shall come back home and curl up under duvet and not speak to people for a day. Me has lost basic language skills and ability to form proper sentences. That is how sad I am.
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02 January 2004

Dazed and confused: I NEED HELP

I have been surfing the web for about 3 days now, trying to get somethings straight. And it won'twork. It is abouthtis: I am moving to England, if all goes well, in April 2004. I am sorting out what kind of insurance I will need to get once I have moved. And I am very very very confused. Here in The Netherlands, we have a kind of Personal LIability Insurance. Example: I am playing soccer and accidentally break your window. In that case,my Personal LIability INsurance pays. Butin England it seems that YOUR insurance would pay. So if 10 people would bew playing soccer and kickingyour windows in, your insurance would be paying for the errors OTHER people make and that could result inyou being banned from the insurance for claiming too much.

I am very confused. There MUST be some kind of insurance in England that covers me for accidents I cause. What if I am cycling along the road and I accidentally scratch your car with my bike? Would YOUR car insurance pay? Or what if I help you move house and drop your expensive flatscreen TV? Would YOUR home contents insurance pay?

So, if someone can help me with this, I would be most grateful. I just do not want to go to England, cause an accident and find myself paying off my depts for the rest of my life. Grrr.....all this moving is harder than I thought.
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01 January 2004

Let it snow let it snow let it snow

NOW it is snowing. But I don't want it anymore.Snow is a pain in the butt, only nice with Christmas. Otherwise it makes the roads dangerous. And itmakes little troublemakers feel like they can throw snow at everyone they like. Humbug. Shame the Christmas is over. I am just getting in to the right spirit. Humbug!!!!
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Yippieeeeee

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU
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