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My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

Tumour Diary: Day 1 - She's in

06 June 2005

Do I care if anyone reads this? Not really. Just makes me feel better to write something, no matter how short.
I took JD to the hospital yesterday afternoon. We were reasonably cheerful until JD was appointed her bed. Right opposite a little old lady with her head in a full-on metal frame. Obviously she had some kind of spinal recontstruction done on her. Just not a cheerful sight. JD's mood changed instantly. It obviously started to dawn on her this was all really happening. My heart just melted when she sat there in that chair that seemed to grow biger every second.

The nurses seem nice so that is good. We just waited around and did a Sudoku. We found even the easy one to be extruciatingly hard on a day like yesterday. Surgery is today (Monday) at 1pm so remember to send your positive thoughts. You can pray if you like. it is nice to know that eventhough we are not religious, people take the time to pray for us and ask their God, who they feel is all powerful, for help in JD's name. Thanks guys.

I am about to go to the hospital to say good morning (If the nurses will tolerate me outside visiting hours of course) and then during surgery, I am not sure yet what I will do. Wait in the hospital for 4 hours? Or go for lunch with my parents who have set up camp on a campsite near the hospital? Don't know yet.

Risks of the surgery include seizures, anurisms, heamorages etc. Nice thought. They can not remove the tumour completely so they will try as much as they can and the rest will have to be treated by monitoring it and operating again if it grows again in a year's time or so. Or they give her radiation. But that can turn benign cells into malignant cells so they are not too keen on that unless it is the only option.

I love her so much. It is unfair.

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