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Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

So who got to be Man of the Match....

23 January 2005

Yes....you guessed it....ME AGAIN.
Yes, I am proud of that fact. Because I thought I was no good at any kind of team sport. And it turns out that I am. Even got my name in the papers (spelled correctly at that!)


We played a 5-5 draw against Oxford who had beaten us 53-12 the first match this season and afterwards one of the players said she could hardly believe we were the same team that just gave them a day out in the park only 4 months ago. Cool.
I know we should be totally proud of this result as Oxford are top of the league but I am not. Because we were leading by that one little try with only 2 minutes to go!!!! Thank God they did not convert it becasue that would have ripped my heart out.
SO there you go: 3 matchesplayed in 2005 and I managed to be Player of the Match in 2 of them. Not bad going. I think my Ritalin theory has proved to be right. 3 matches played with Ritalin. 3 matches of outstanding play. I know what I am doing next week....

Shame we have 3 friendlies ahead in the coming weeks. I want to keep storming up the league table now!!!!
Keep Reading: "So who got to be Man of the Match...."

Get your gaydar fixed!!

21 January 2005

Conservative Americans are up in arms about SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob features in a little educational film that is supposed to teach children about acceptance for other cultures and lifestyles.

But thank God there is Focus on the Family. They have unmasked SpongeBob for what he really is.
Bob is to as innocent as he looks! He always walks hand in hand with his friend Patrick!!
He is brainwashing your children into believing homosexuality is normal!!!
The founder of Focus on the Family, James Dobson, made this statement, surprise surprise, at a gala dinner in honour of the inauguration of President Bush.

My God, please protect innocent Americans for the terror Bush and his allies will bring down on them. Not just religious terror but also terror from groups and religions he will trample on in the coming 4 years.

There are so many hate sites on the web that is makes no sense to describe Focus on the Family as a special one. There are much worse ones out there. Sadly enough. But I like their page Love Won Out about people who recovered from homosexuality. A bunch of ex-gays with fuzzy Phd's give a one-day seminar on how to overcome homosexuality.

And when you look at the pictures of some of these 'ex-gay' people, you realise Christians were simply born without a gaydar. And that all those 'ex-gay' people are sick indeed: they need their own gaydar repaired. See examples below. Pick the gay people. Hint: it is all of them.


I especially like the introduction on the third guy: Alan Chambers left homosexuality in 1991 and is now the President of Exodus International, the largest resource and referral organization dealing with homosexuality in the world today.

He left homosexuality. That sounds like it is a job... He left Safeways in 1991 and is now MD of Tesco
And it is great that all these people who are ex-gays are now working in organisations where they will meet more gay people than they would otherwise have met in their sheltered life as a Christian Gay in the Closet. S no wonder they have become ex-gays.......


Keep Reading: "Get your gaydar fixed!!"

Victory at last!!

17 January 2005

We finally had a good convincing victory with the Old Leamingtonians Ladies Rugby Team.

In the best match we played this season, we beat Whitney with 27 – 0. Sweet victory indeed as we lost by only 2 points the last time we played them. And for the second week in a row, I played a really good game. I feel I am getting better and that makes me more confident and more willing to just go for it without thinking things through for 5 minutes first. Or maybe it is because last week and this week, I have finally started to take my Ritalin before a match. I usually don't take it at the weekends but hey, perhaps it just makes sense to do so. After all, it DOES enhance my concentration, something that is fairly important for a rugby player.

As a second-row player, I usually jump in the line-outs and yesterday, the line-outs were almost faultless. I did not lose a single one of our own and managed to win quite a few of theirs. Quite pleased I was. Came about 4 meters of scoring a try myself but I got tackled. Such an odd feeling when I got the ball and suddenly spotted a space to run into, knowing that if I only managed to get past this 1 player, I would be scoring a try. But alas, it was not to be but at least we kept the ball alive when I popped it up the the support player behind me.

We held the ball up 4 times at least, stopping them from scoring.

Yes, I am enjoying my rugby on days like that. We all had a great game and I would think that we have nobody to fear in the league we are in, apart from maybe Oxford and Lichfield II.

Sadly enough, J. did not come to watch the match as she was tired and had a dull headache. Poor girl. She is feeling miserable. A concussion to recover from as well as the fear of more seizures in the future.
Keep Reading: "Victory at last!!"

What next?

14 January 2005

We don't know. JD might end up an epileptic for the rest of her life with Post Traumatic Epilepsy. Or the knock might simply have exposed a previous condition that leads to having seizures. Or it might be a one-off. They don't know and they can not tell. That is the most frustrating bit. You just don't know. It can happen again at any time. Or not at all. And in the mean time you have to adjust your life: don't lock the door when going to the toilet, in case you have a fit. Always have a phone next to your bed in case of a fit. Always wear a bracelet with instructions for people if you have a fit. No driving for a year. No sport, no more rugby. Take it easy at University...

Take it easy? This is her final year. She wants to go to London for her Masters but that will depend on her grades. Will they be good enough? Or not? How will this impact on her future? I don't give a rat's arse about what it means for me although I am already aware that I need to be careful and not smother her by telling her not to do anything.

Taking it easy is not the same as not doing anything at all.
It is important not to treat her like a patient but it will be hard for her.

But it will not stop her playing rugby apparently. If she can no longer play the game, she will be involved on training. Our coach, bless him, has already asked her if she was interested in helping him with training sessions. Good. I would hate for her to loose that too.

I am sad. And worried. For her. She is only 21. I know epilepsy is not a death sentence but it is pretty shit none the less.
Keep Reading: "What next?"

Home again

12 January 2005

JD is home again. Thank goodness. After playing her secretary all day, it is nice that she can answer her own phonecalls again. I must have updated about 7 people throughout the day yesterday. Felt like one of them flashy PAs, on my mobile all the time.

Anyway....JD suffered a blow to the head at rugby on Sunday and that is where the seizure came from. Unlikely to happen again but she needs to take meds to prevent further seizures for a month. And it is likely she will have to surrender her driving license for a year. Bummer.

Poor JD She feels like she has a bad hangover (and a little drunk). But I am so happy she is OK. I was terrified when it happened but now I know what to do if it ever happens again: let her finish her seizure, then let her sleep it off and inform the GP in the morning. Only when seizures last longer than about 2 minutes should you call 999.

So far this year has not brought me lots of good things. Time for something nice. Like a win in the lottery. Means I have to buy a ticket first though and with the run of luck we have had so far.....
Keep Reading: "Home again"

Scariest moment of my life

11 January 2005

J. is in hospital. Recovering from a seizure. A proper foaming-at-the-mouth, biting your tongue, completely out of it seizure. Just like that. Out of the blue. Never had one before. And I did not know what to do. So I panicked. I was so scared. I called 999 and as I got a woman on the line, I was trynig to get to J. Talking to her, screaming at her. And trying to listen to the lady on the phone.

Sleepy J. in hospital.


We went to bed last night and J. curled up to me. Nice warm spooning. But 10 minutes later she started to shake and convulse. I was totally freaked and in panic. I have seen 'epileptic fits' before but J. has no history of them so I was caught completely unaware. And it happened in her sleep which was scary too. She was foaming at the mouth and when she bit her tongue, she started bleeding. All I could scream at the operator on the phone was that my girlfriend was having a fit and was now bleeding. I did not realise yet that she had just bitten her tongue.

After about 70 seconds which seemed like an eternity, the convulsions stopped and she immideately fell asleep. But I did not know what happened so I was afraid she was going to lapse in some kind of come. (Hey, what do I know about these things?????) So I kept talking to her and kept her awake until the paramedics arrived. They gave her oxygen and then she slowly came 'round. She woke up and was a bit shaky but quite cheerful.

It was actually kind of funny in a strange way. As far as she was concerned, she had gone to sleep and was suddenly woken up with an oxygen mask on her face and 2 paramedics in her bedroom!!! Her face was full of confusion and I felt so much love when she looked up at me for an explanation.


They took her to the hospital where they checked her out. She told them she got a knock on the head in last Sunday's rugby match and that maybe could have caused a concusion that had gone unnoticed. They decided to keep her in for observation and I was sent home after she was admitted to the ward. They will do a CT scan later today.

She is sleeping in the picture above by the way. She is all right now as far as we can see. Hopefully the CT scan will show that it is indeed concussion. If not, she will have to be tested for epilepsy.

I was so scared. Seeing the one you love foaming, bleeding, convulsing in your bed and see the eyes rolling.

Oh and by the way: anyone who says the NHS is not working is lying. At least the one in the hospital here in Warwick is working just fine for me.
Keep Reading: "Scariest moment of my life"

Slime or slim?

10 January 2005

In a Dutch shop, I came across this sign.
Does slime make a strong case I wonder?


Keep Reading: "Slime or slim?"

Cunt on the BBC


If the British Broadcasting Corporation can broadcast the word than I can certainly use it on my weblog.

On Saturday, the BBC airerd Jerry Springer, The Opera. The musical has been performed on the West End fr months now and to great critical acclaim. No problems with anyone but now that the BBC has decided to broadcast it to a wider audience, after the watershed of course, Christians were outraged.

45,000 complaints went out to the BBC before the show was even aired. Why? Becuase Jerry Springer has a nightmare in which Jesus is on stage in a loin cloth, saying he is a bit gay. Nevermind the fact that he says that after saying he loves all the peopl ein the world, men and women.

Anyway, that fact was enough to get radical Christians to hold wakes outside BBC offices around the country. Yes, imagine Christian people gather around buildings, light candles and sing hyms together in the hope the BBC changes his mind. Kind of freaky isn't it?
The controller of BBC2 has recieved death threats for his decision to air the show.
Stupid Christians claiming the BBC has no right to air the show as they pay a licence fee for the BBC and their money is spent on that show.

Well, I pay a fee too and I am offended by Songs of Praise that the BBC airs. And by The Heaven and Earth Show that the BBC airs. Christians get plenty of attention in the media from the BBC. If you don't like it, turn the TV off. (Although the option on BBC 1 at that time was Billy Connoly, whose show contains only marginally less swearing...)

Of course almost none of the 45,000 who complained had actually seen the Opera before it went out on TV. No, they had only heard about it from someone else. But that was enough to form an opinion about it. Completely taken out of context, saying the Jesus is Gay might be offensive indeed. But in context it wasn't really.
But since when are Christians known for their sense of humour or ability to see things on contect?

I am deeply concerned about religious groups demanding that the majoroty of society confirms to their rules and beliefs. They seem to have lost the ability to reach for the remote control and change the channel. No, they don't want to watch it themselves and they certainly do not want to give other people the right to form an opinion.
If you don't like a play, don't go to the theatre. If you don't like a TV program, don't watch it. By all means write a letter of complaint but do not demand productions to be stopped because of your beliefs.

Fuck off.

But I did have a nice chuckle watching Jerry Springer - The Opera with the subtitles on. Never seen the BBC subtitle something that had the entire Chorus singing: "He is a cunting cunt" Or, as in the picture, "I am going to fuck you up the ass". I am assuming that never again will the BBC edit a film for its use of foul language. They have broken a barriar by airing this opera.
Keep Reading: "Cunt on the BBC"

Old Leamingtonians Ladies Rugby

09 January 2005

We lost again today. We had 15 players. The opposition had 12 (but are a league above us). But still.....15 vs 12 should mean a win for us.

But I don't care because...
I GOT TO BE MAN OF THE MATCH

Yay!! Go me. J. is very proud of me and I am expecting a reward later tonight (wink wink nudge nudge, know what I mean?).

Down side is that I will be too drunk to receive me reward as the prize is having to drink a pint of Guinness, Baileys and tomato juice in about 25 seconds..... Ugh. Feeling sick now. And drunk.

But who cares...

I GOT TO BE MAN OF THE MATCH
Keep Reading: "Old Leamingtonians Ladies Rugby"

Tony Blair on holiday

04 January 2005

Here in Britain, Tony Blair has come under a lot of critisism for not interrupting his holiday after the tsunami. People here think he should have come home from Egypt to support those who have lost people. Why? What could he have done? The government has done a good job in giving money and the British public will raise around £100 MILLION from donations. The disaster happened in Asia, not in Britain.
What are they complaining about? It is by far not as bad as the Dutch Home Secretary. He was actually on holiday in Thailand when the wave struck. On the other side of Phuket so he was safe. He phoned home to let his family and staff know he was safe and that he did not want his holiday to be interrupted!! He did not visit the Dutch victims in hospital or anything. now THAT is disgusting. After all, he was only 250 kilometres away from it. Sure, he did not need to cancel the rest of his holiday, but a visit from a member of the Dutch cabinet would have been nice and since there was a guy in the area.....

Only after harsh articles in the media has he now agreed to visit the remaining Dutch people in the hospitals.
Ugh.


Here in England, it seems that it is almost like the government is guilty of the tsunami happening in the first place. Media here are bloodhounds and seem to get no greater pleasure than cutting down its politicians. Private life is public here and everything seems reason for resignation.

David Blunkett resigned after mixing private life with politics (He tried to fast-track a visa for the nanny of his (married) lover). The new Home Secretary turns out to have adopted a baby in America recently. Apparently, they could not have kids of their own and recently travelled to the US to be rpesent at the birth of a little boy who they then adopted immideately. So what? What is wrong with that? it is completely legal to do this in the US. Was it adoption or surrogacy? Who bloody cares!!

But no, here media and oppositions want an investigation to see if the guy used his 'position' (huh? He was not even a member of the cabinet when this happened) to fast-track the adoption. Was it legal? Did he 'buy' the kid or bribe the mother? Adoption agencies are standing in line to condem the fact this adoption went so quickly when others have to wait years. Well I am sorry: life is unfair. If you are rich, you can arrange for a surrogate mother, which is much faster than adoption. Nothing wrong with that.

It makes me sick. if the wind blows my house over, it is NOT the government's fault. If a minister adopts a baby, completely legally, I am happy for him and happy for him that he can afford to do it this way. I am sad for those who can't but you can not hold that against this man.

Disgusting. Makes me want to go back to Holland sometimes.
Keep Reading: "Tony Blair on holiday"

All I wanna do....

02 January 2005

After one too many drinks, I want to tell the world that "All I wanna do is make love to you" by Heart is THE song of the 80's.

I dare you to disagree because you are WRONG!!! The ultimate woman's liberation song.

It was a rainy night when he came in to sight
Standing in the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we rode for a while

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely in boy in the rain
Fate tell me it's right, is this love at first sight
Please don't make it wrong, just stay for the night

All I wanna do is make love to you, say you will, you want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you, I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well
We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right
He brought this woman out of me, so many times , easily
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note

I told him "I am the flower you are the seed"
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you, one night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you, I've got lovin' arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love, love like strangers
All night long , we made love

Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes
I said "please, please understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me, was the one little thing that you can"

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too
Keep Reading: "All I wanna do...."

Happy New Year

01 January 2005

So far 2005 has brought me:

- 6 text messages in the middle of the night. People wishing me Happy New Year at 3.30am because their text messages did not get through around midnight. Fuck off. Some people actually sleep after midnight on New Years Night! (JD: Miserable much?)

- A hole in my bathroom wall when I slipped on the floor after my shower, falling flat on my arse and putting my foot through the plaster.

- A broken bracelet from hugging my girlfriend when trying to find consolation for my horrible fall....


Yeah....happy new year my arse!!
Keep Reading: "Happy New Year"