Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

Gays have no sense of humour.

31 May 2005

Gays have no sense of humour and they think that every possible joke in the world is aimed at making them look bad. How do I know this?
Last week, the panel of the new-quiz "Have I got News for You" was discussing the musical Billy Elliot for which Elton John has written the music. The panel discussed why Elton John had said Billy Elliot made him cry. One of the panellists remarked that Elton probably saw a bit of himself in Billy. I can imagine that he did. A little boy who wanted to dance, made to feel bad about his big dream because it was not manly enough. Simple, fair remark I would say.

But no. This week in the BBC Radio Times, the listings magazine from the BBC, a viewer's letter reads:

"Disgusting. Tasteless joke. The implication seemed to be that all homosexuals are paedophile. Not only is this in extremely bad taste for victims or relatives of paedophilia, but as a homosexual I found it to be a complete insult to me and the millions of others across the country. I will never watch this program again."

Hang on...what happened there? It is surely his own dirty mind that made him think of 'a bit of himself in Billy' as a remark about Elton wanting his dick inside Billy Elliot. I saw that show and I did not think twice about the remark meaning anything else than Elton recognising his own situation in Billy Elliot.

People like this bloke do not really do a lot of good Gay PR as it is because of reactions like this that all gay people get tarred with the same brush. We should stop being so ridiculously over sensitive and frankly, seeing things that really are not there. Perhaps this man is a victim of abuse himself that makes this the first thing that comes to his mind. Don't know but I had a good laugh. At him.
Keep Reading: "Gays have no sense of humour."

By this time next week...

30 May 2005

...we should know how JD's surgery went. Hopefully she will be back from the OR with a bald head, a big plaster and a tumour removed. Hopefully she will be fine and the tumour will end up being removed completely and no further treatment is needed. Hmmm....that last bit is not going to happen I feel. They can apparently not remove it completely but only 'debulk' it.

I am getting a litle nervous now. Not scared (yet) but nervous. My parents have changed their holiday plans. They were going to drive to Italy with their caravan but they felt uncomfortable being so far away from me and JD in case something happened. SO now they are crossing the Channel from Holland to England with the caravan. This week they will be around the coast but by Saturday, they will come and set up camp here in Warwick. They'll be here for JD's BBQ and as long as she is in Intensive Care. And really, my folks like JD so they are not just here for me but also for her. I now realise I am pleased they are coming. My sister offered to come over as well but I was so busy when she was asking me that I just did not have the quiet time to sit and think about it. So I said that it would be a little too busy perhaps. So now she is not coming. I felt dreadful and really guilty for saying that. Especially because now that it is all much closer, I can see that it will probably be a bit difficult for me to be home alone in the evenings when JD is in hospital.

I am confused as to how afraid we need to be. Very very afraid (after all it IS removing a brain tumour) or should we be only a little afraid? I find that confusing. Perhaps I am afraid of embarrassment. We are throwing a BBQ for JD but for all we know, we might be overreacting to it all. No idea.

The doctor has said that JD will look like she has been hit in the face with a brick when she comes out of surgery. This is because they literally peel her skin down her face towards the nose so they can cut a hole in her skull to do the surgery through. Yuk. Poor girl. I wish it could be me, not her. I do not believe in God but if you do and you have a spare minute, just keep JD in your prayers. You never know, it might just work. Although you must realise that if it does not work, I will hold you and your God personally responsible for it!!!
Keep Reading: "By this time next week..."

The Crazy Frog is dead!!

How do I know this? Well, I found him in my back garden. Dried out with a hole in his brain and a maggot coming out of it. Yes!! The world can go back to being normal again.

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If only...

29 May 2005

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Sudoku

27 May 2005


The latest craze to sweep this country is a numbers puzzle called Sudoku. The ideas is that you have a grid of 3x3 boxes, each box consisting of another 3x3 box. Fill in the grid so that every row,every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. But only once each time. It is addictive beyond belief. The BBC has devoted an item to the puzzle on its flagship show Newsnight and it featured prominently on their website. It started in The Times last year, now all 4 major newspapres have their own daily Sudoku. The Teacher's Union advises teachers to use them in classes so children can learn about logic.

I hate numbers. I hate them with a passion and I cried the day I did my last Maths exam. I swore never to do numbers again. Until these little buggers came along.

I am tentatively taking ym first steps by doing the easy ones. And I still lose my patience every once so often and throw it away. But it something JD and I can do together. She is nice enough to give me a little more time when we are doing one. I am sure she has already solved the entire thing before I have managed to put one number in the grid.

This site has a nifty program that generates them for you on the spot. Of course I have not downloaded it and installed it on my PC at work. I would never do that would I? *ahem*

PS1 : Answer to this sudoku will not be published on this weblog!! Try to solve it though:)

PS2 : Don't take any notice of my wallpaper. Kath & Kim is just the latest cool comedy on BBC2. It is Australian import.
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26 May 2005



Now that is what I call a Cup Final. Liverpool have really shown they are a cup fighter. Not unlike Feyenoord, the Dutch team I support. When I got to England, I decided to support West Bromwich Albion and as my second team, I picked Arsenal because they have Dennis Bergkamp and Robin van Persie. Perhaps I should pick Liverpool as they seem to be more my kind of style: Fight till the end, even when it looks hopeless.

Being 1-0 down against an Italian side I usually seen as having lost the match. Being 3-0 down is a humiliation. At half time I was wondering how big the embarrassment would be for Liverpool in the end. But by God did they work hard and did they get lucky.

I didn't cry when they got the Cup. I cry easily at this sort of things. Well, not cry, but there is normally a definite welling of tears at this sort of things. Now if it had been Feyenoord, I would still be crying the next day!!

Liverpool are always the underdog, always the sorry ones, always the ones being denied the luck they feel they deserve. Liverpudlians love to complain about all sorts of things. Maybe because in the North, most people are ignored anyway. It seems there is no life above Birmingham sometimes. But when their fans killed 40 people in Brussels, 20 years ago, they were sad but claimed it was not all their fault since the stadium was old. Sure, but you do not HAVE to charge at opposition supporters and police now do you? They paid more attention to their own tragedy at Highfield 5 years later. This year they tried to make amends with Juventus by apologising. Cool.

Today is a day to party as 20 years after Heizel, Liverpool win the Champions League. Today the whole country here claims to be a Scouser. Quite nausiating actually to hear Man United fans say they feel like they are a Scouser. Sure. Deny your background!!
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Someone to blame

23 May 2005

In the UK it seems the government is to blame for everything. If you are fat, it is not because you eat too much. No it is because the government did not do enough to warn you that junk food makes you fat.

If your child gets fat, it is not because you failed to give them a healthy meal and a packed lunch for school. No, it is because the government does not provide proper free school meals.

If people get so drunk that they cause massive disruption in the streets, it is not because they are stupid and should be put in jail. No, it is because the government does not do enough to prevent access to alcohol for young people.

And finally, when your 12-year old comes home and announces
she is pregnant, it is not because you did not pay any attention to her. No, it is because the school did not give her enough sexual education.

The school? THE SCHOOL???? So when this woman found out that not only her 12 year-old daughter was pregnant, but also her 14 and 16 year old daughters, it was not her fault either.

No no no. It was, again, because the school did not give them enough sexual education. The 16-ear old had already had 2 miscarriages and an abortion from the 38-year old gambling addict boyfriend.

Forgive me for thinking that sexual education is something parents should give to their children. Schools can not win these days. Because in the news recently was a woman who blamed the government for giving too much sex education when her 14 year old came home with a condom.

And the tabloids here print it all without any kind of commentary. At the moment, it seems like society in the UK is collapsing under the strain of youth gangs making the streets unsafe. Bollocks of course but the press is having a field day. And it is all the government’s fault of course. It is not the parents who have let the children get out of control. No, it is because the government does not provide them with things to do.

The fact that these kids can go out and play sports, join some club or just…wait for it...work, does not seem to occur to them.

The whole idea of people being responsible for their own behaviour and that of their children has gone out of the window.
Keep Reading: "Someone to blame"

Jumping ship

Ruud Gullit has left Feyenoord Rotterdam. Because he does not feel the support from the management team. Sure. He left CHelsea and Newcastle for similar things didn't he. Humbug. I had high hopes for Feyenoord this season, eventhough I am in England now, I really miss them.

Thank goodness I have found a new team to support. West Bromwich Albion who managed to survive in the Premiership this season and to my surprise, I had tears in my eyes when they avoided relegation in an epic battle last week. So I must have been a supporter without realising it. So next year I will do better and actively support them. If only they had a shirt that looked better than blue and white stripes....
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Wrong choices

Oh bollocks!!

For the first time in months, I decide to take the bike to work as I can do with some exercise. Guess what? It is bloody chucking it down with rain at the moment. Hopefully it will have stopped by the time I go home (Which incidentally seems to be taking forever to arrive today!!)
Keep Reading: "Wrong choices"

And so it begins...

16 May 2005

..final exams to begin on Wednesday. And for those who are interested, the exams run as follows:

18th May PM Service Operations Management
19th May AM Entrepreneurship and Small Business
23rd May AM Marketing Analysis
1st June PM Finance
2nd June AM Operations Management

Yummy.

It doesn't seem a lot but since the whole 'going into hospital and having brain surgery' thing kicked off they have seemed like an insurmountable task. But time passes and now they're here. I can only do my best. But maybe my best will not be good enough as I am not happy with my preparation as I’ve found it very hard to concentrate without thinking about the surgery conveniently scheduled for the 6th.

I'm scared of not waking up. I don't want M to be alone - that sounds really egotistical doesn't it? I suppose it doesn't matter for me as I would be gone but I want a few more tomorrows together. If I die it would be like I’ve been short changed by the bank of life. I’ve got new people to meet and a bestselling novel to write. Maybe some children? Definitely some cats. Fun job, money not important, but I’d like to be able to afford to travel. Taking M and exploring somewhere new. Just being in each others company. Outside somewhere lying on a patch of grass having a snooze. Anywhere really.

Maybe I’m just ranting because I’ve been inside working for the past few weeks. The tumour puts life in perspective. Exams are not important. I will not suffer too much if I don’t do so well but I would like to do well for my own satisfaction. I know what I am capable of achieving.

I’ve developed a highly tuned ‘shite filter’. If something isn’t important I ignore it. It amazes me how people can get wound up by the silliest things. I want to tell them to get over it and get on with their life. To do ‘something’ so that they don’t get to the end and feel that they’ve wasted their time. I understand that all too clearly now. If I live three more of my lifetimes again then I will be 84, which most would consider to be a good innings. So that’s another 63 years in which to do some decent living.

Or another 21 days.
Keep Reading: "And so it begins..."

I got on BBC Radio 2

10 May 2005

Yay!! I just made my debut on national radio here. The Jeremy Vine show was doing a discussion about being gay at school and coming out to your classmates. I just sent an email telling them how I came out (I told the class that of the 30 people in class, statistically 3 should be gay and since I was one of them, would the other 2 please raise their hands. They didn't of course....)
Within seconds, the show called me back and asked if I was willing to tell my story on the radio to Jeremy. EEEEEEK...... Shame I had no time to call loads of people to tune in and listen. I shall of course be using the listen-again facility on the BBC website!! . And in a moment of shameless self-promotion I shall also inform you that it was about 30-40 minutes in to the show.
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