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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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What to do?

31 January 2006

My toe is no longer the strange purple colour. But it is still damned painful. How long does it take for the pain to go away? I can still not really wear shoes without pain and I am a bit afraid that it will remain sensitive forever, making wearing rugby boots a painful affair.

Went to an extra line-out training last night. It was quite useful but my toe was killing me by the end of the session.

I have let myself go last week when I was unable to go to the gym. Drank loads of wine, ate loads of bad food. So yesterday I went back and tried my trainers on. I still can not wear them. So I could not run on the treadmill as you are not allowed without shoes. So I cycled for 30 minutes and worked on the cross-trainer for 15 minutes. On my socks.  

I don’t understand how weight works. Sunday night I weighed 73.2 kilos. And last night, at the same time, with the same clothes off, I weighed 74.5 kilos. How is that possible? And with a body fat percentage of 36.7, I am ‘overfat’ according to my fabulous weight/bodyfat/water index scales. Oh well, now that my scales give me 3 figures when I stand on them, at least 1 of them surely is bound to come down at some point?

Sent off 5 job applications over the weekend. Hopefully I will get an interview for at least one of them. However, after I sent one of, I noticed a typo in my cover letter that I had not spotted after re-reading it twice. Humbug. It has bugged me all day.

Other question: what do you do with interviews from an agency that you really do not fancy going to? At the moment, I go to whatever they offer because I am afraid that refusing the interview means they will never contact me again but most of the time, I don’t really want the jobs they put me forward for, nor do I ever get any decent feedback about the interview. So what to do? Refuse the interviews? What if I go and get offered one of the jobs that I don’t really want?

I have decided that I am not prepared to move ‘sideways’. Yes I would like to leave my current job but there is no use to move to a similar job for similar money because that will make me unhappy in a few months time again. I guess I am better off holding out for the job I really like.

But I am getting very tired of being thrown little snippets of hope and then nothing happens. I floated the idea of making promotion films that we can use at exhibitions. Seeing I have experience in producing, filming and editing, it would be a cheap thing to do for the company and it is something I would really enjoy. I was told it was a good idea and that they would get back to me about it……still not heard anything 3 weeks later.

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