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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk


10 February 2006

Well, after 3 weeks of pain and fiddling, I have now realised (or is it decided??) that my toe is indeed broken. Now that the swelling has more or less gone down, I can bend the toe again and whenever I bend it, there is a definate click of bones grinding against each other. Great.

I get a proper sports injury. Good. Makes me look interesting. Yes, I am sad like that. When I get an injury, I want one people can see so I get sympathy. But I don't want it to be a really bad injury. You know, a black eye or something, that kind of stuff: loads of sympathy but nothing that stops me playing for more than a week.

But breaking your little toe is a futile injury: they do not treat it, you can walk more or les normally and nobody can see it. And yet, you don't fit into your shoes for ages so I am wearing sandals. I have to explain to people why I am wearing sandals (sorry, but I refuse to have people think I am the kind of woman who normally wears warm wooley socks and open sandals!! )and yet I am not limping.

So I have an injury nobody can see, that nobody will treat and yet it stops me from playing rugby for weeks. Well, it SHOULD stop me from playing. But in reality, I only missed 1 training. This may well be the reason why it just does not seem to become any less painful. I should have rested it. But if I am not getting any sympathy, what is the point in resting??

So I am playing on Sunday. And yet, I am scared as hell someone will step on my toe and break it again. So yesterday I drove all the way to Rugby (oh, irony) as it is the only town around here that sells rugby boots with hard toes. Now my toes are snugly hidden underneath a reenforced nose. Hopefully it will prevent my little toe from breaking off altogether. But more than that, I hope it will help me focus on the game, instead of spending my time being afraid that I will get stamped on again.

Because yes, I may have a case of Man Flu with this toe, but it really does fucking hurt when they stamp on it!!


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