Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

What to do?

31 January 2006

My toe is no longer the strange purple colour. But it is still damned painful. How long does it take for the pain to go away? I can still not really wear shoes without pain and I am a bit afraid that it will remain sensitive forever, making wearing rugby boots a painful affair.

Went to an extra line-out training last night. It was quite useful but my toe was killing me by the end of the session.

I have let myself go last week when I was unable to go to the gym. Drank loads of wine, ate loads of bad food. So yesterday I went back and tried my trainers on. I still can not wear them. So I could not run on the treadmill as you are not allowed without shoes. So I cycled for 30 minutes and worked on the cross-trainer for 15 minutes. On my socks.  

I don’t understand how weight works. Sunday night I weighed 73.2 kilos. And last night, at the same time, with the same clothes off, I weighed 74.5 kilos. How is that possible? And with a body fat percentage of 36.7, I am ‘overfat’ according to my fabulous weight/bodyfat/water index scales. Oh well, now that my scales give me 3 figures when I stand on them, at least 1 of them surely is bound to come down at some point?

Sent off 5 job applications over the weekend. Hopefully I will get an interview for at least one of them. However, after I sent one of, I noticed a typo in my cover letter that I had not spotted after re-reading it twice. Humbug. It has bugged me all day.

Other question: what do you do with interviews from an agency that you really do not fancy going to? At the moment, I go to whatever they offer because I am afraid that refusing the interview means they will never contact me again but most of the time, I don’t really want the jobs they put me forward for, nor do I ever get any decent feedback about the interview. So what to do? Refuse the interviews? What if I go and get offered one of the jobs that I don’t really want?

I have decided that I am not prepared to move ‘sideways’. Yes I would like to leave my current job but there is no use to move to a similar job for similar money because that will make me unhappy in a few months time again. I guess I am better off holding out for the job I really like.

But I am getting very tired of being thrown little snippets of hope and then nothing happens. I floated the idea of making promotion films that we can use at exhibitions. Seeing I have experience in producing, filming and editing, it would be a cheap thing to do for the company and it is something I would really enjoy. I was told it was a good idea and that they would get back to me about it……still not heard anything 3 weeks later.
Keep Reading: "What to do?"

Au!!!

22 January 2006

+ =




And on top of that, we lost. Broke my fucking toe I think. I get an injury for a change but not even one that is impressive or gets much sympathy. Even the doctor won't do anything about it!! Has to heal all by itself! Humbug!

I hated coming off injured. I felt like I failed myself. I could still walk and so i should have stayed on the pitch. Instead, when my toe started throbbing, it really put me off my game. Not the pain itself but I just lost my concentration. All I could think of was my throwbbing toe. So when I got stamped on that toe for the 3rd time in the match, I had nothing left. no concentration at all. And my head just dropped and I decided to come off the pitch.

I feel awful. Like I failed myself. Like I gave up. Unable to get over a simple bruised toe (because I actually doubt it is really broken. It is just totally purple)
Keep Reading: "Au!!!"

On the day that...

20 January 2006




...a whale is spotted swimming past the Houses of Parliament in London




... two men row across the Atlantic in 49 days. Naked.













...and Osama offers peace to the USA


















On that day.... I LOST 3 POUNDS!!!!!
Keep Reading: "On the day that..."

Gym addiction

19 January 2006

I know people can be addicted to going to the gym. I have been going every day now since January 3rd. Every day at lunch, I am in the gym for an hour. I am very pleased with myself for still actually going. At the rugby match last Sunday, I definately noticed the massive difference in my fitness levels. I felt able to run around the pitch far better. Perhaps this resulted in me scoring a try and being elected Player of the Match. I may not have lost ANY weight, but I do feel the benefits when on the rugby pitch. Well, at least there is something positive about it.

However, I am afraid of bringing down the number of times I go to the gym. I am very bad with routines and I give up easily. I have been going every day. Not so much because I want to do that but because I am afraid that once i start skipping the odd day, I will start slipping and eventually stop going completely.

However, last night at Rugby training, I felt my quads hurt. It was clear that I have over-worked them for a bit. No real pain, just a tired, tense sensation. And so I was determined not to exercise today at lunch. I was going have a relaxing swim. I brought my gym bag and my swimming costume, ready for an hour of sauna, steamroom, relaxing and whatever. But as I was in the changing room, putting my swimming costume on, I felt guilty. I actually stood half-dressed in my changing booth, deciding what to do. Put my swimmers on and then ended up taking them off. I put my shorts on and decided to do some cycling. I sat on the bike and did 30 minutes of leisurely cycling. No sweating, no real strain, ER on the TV to pass the time.

But I felt worried afterwards. Because the best thing would have been to just have a rest to let my muscles recover. But I couldn't. I felt guilty. That is quite a worrying development because I know I am prone to adddictions. Most people with ADHD are. it is a reason for avoiding all kinds of gambling and fruit machines for example. Because I like shiny lights.

So in order to keep this gym-thing healthy, I will NEED to take a break. I will need to force myself not to work out tomorrow at lunch time.

But instead of not going at all, I will go to the gym with just my swimming costume and a towel. And enough money to spend 15 minutes on the sunbed. Then a sauna and a bit of sitting in the steam room. No leg-exercise at all. Give my thoughs a bit of rest.

Then play rugby on Sunday, light cycling on Monday and full-on again on Tuesday.

Did I just see the scale indicate a minute weight loss? Did I really?
Keep Reading: "Gym addiction"

Keeping it up

12 January 2006

So far, I am not doing too badly with my going to the gym. I have been every day to run, swim, row, cross-train or whatever. But, being impatient as I am, I want to see some kind of result.

I work out for about 45 minutes at lunch time. That is all the time I have. So, how long will it take before I can see some result, either by my weight dropping or by my fat shrinking a bit? 1 week, 2 weeks, 7 weeks?

I am currently 75 kilos, way too heavy. Most of it sits on my thighs and my growing stomach. But when I look at my diet, I just do not see where that weight is coming from.  I have a bowl of porridge oats in the morning, two slices of brown bread with some pate or lettuce with tomatoes and olive oil for lunch and meat, veg and potatoes in the evening.  At weekends, I will have the odd glass of wine and on Sunday, JD & I have crackers and cheese. Surely this is not a diet that leads to instant weight gain?

I guess it is living proof of the fact that regular cycling is the key to health. Before I moved to the UK, I weighted around 67 kilos. I cycled everywhere. To work, to the shops, to the beach, to my friends, to the station, everywhere. But here, I cycle nowhere. Not to work (I take the car as it is 7 miles), not to friends (have not got many), not in to town (I walk) or to the shops (Can not fit a week’s shopping on the bike).

I really believe that this is responsible for my weight gain. And it really pisses me off. I do not want to be so fat. And so I joined the gym. As I said, I have been every day so far. All I do is work up a sweat with rowing, x-trainers and the treadmill. I am not doing any weights as I find that boring. So, when can I expect to see the needle on my set of scales move towards the left? I don’t want to go to the gym every day but not doing enough to get the needle moving as that would actually just be wasting my time. Ideally I want to get back to under 70 kilos.

God I hate getting old!
Keep Reading: "Keeping it up"

The mind is weak...

03 January 2006

I have done it. The thing you are not supposed to do: I joined a gym in January. January is the busiest time as it is filled with people who haev the plan to go to the gym every day in the new year and they are going-to-lose-weight-this-time.

Yeah right. When March arrives, things are all quiet in the gym again. But not me. No. Iam different. I will go to the gym every day. I will honestly. I will tell you why. I was going to not join a gym at all. No. My plan was to cycle to work more. Possibly 3 or 4 tmies a week. My work is about 7 (hilly) miles from home so that would be perfect. Last year I bought a bike and cycled perhaps a total of 15 times to work (if that). I would arive, have a shower and walk upstairs in to the office, fresh as a daisy. Cycling to work is cheap and a good way to get your day started. Snice we all need to go to work anyway, it would not take much moer time than going to work by car.

But then they disabled the showers at work because they did not have enough room in the fuse box or something like that. And so I can not have a shower anymore. I will NOT cycle to work, get changed and be smelly all day. And so the cycling is no longer an option. Unless I would cycle to the local gym near my work, pay to get in, have a shower there and then cycle the 5 minutes from the gym to my office. That would work. However, that means loads of cycling effort, paying for a shower and then still having to get on the bike to get to the office.

And so I decided to use the time I was planning on using for cyclnig to actually use the gym. So, I will now get up at 6.45am. Leave the house at 7am, get to the gym at 7.14am. Be on the treadmill at 7.30am. Work out for 45 minutes. Get showered and dresed and then get back to the office to start my worknig day. SOunds like a flawless plan? That is because it is.

Roll on March!


Note: I might be hopeful but I am not stupid. So I have taken out an initial membership for a month instead of subscribing for a whole year!!!
Keep Reading: "The mind is weak..."