27 January 2009


Perhaps this is not the place and platform so this post may vanish in a few hours/days but I am angry! Really angry. I mean like I-want-to walk-up-to-someone-grab-her-and-shake-her-around-seriously-whilst-shouting-expletives-at-her-kind of angry.

JD needs to be driven to radio therapy every day because she is not able to take public transport in case she has a seizure on her way to the hospital (this might mean she would miss treatment). And so I organised with my boss that I can take every afternoon off work after 3pm so we can drive to the hospital (45 minutes) and get JD zapped.

Next month, my boss asked me if I cold perhaps be at a film shoot for work. I said I would try to get someone else to drive JD to hospital and back. Surely a one-off should not be so hard to organise for someone right? After all, if you love someone and care for them.....

I remembered that JD's mother had said she would do anything to help. So I asked JD to call her mother and see if maybe she wold be prepared/able to drive to our house, pick JD up, take JD to hospital and then drop her off home again. Granted, this would be quite a drive for her mother as she lives about 90 minutes driving away from our house. But even so, you would think she would be able to do this for her daughter who is having treatment for a brain tumour. And remember, this is not tomorrow. No, this is more than a week from now.

I should have known the outcome. Nope. Can't do. Why? Well, because she has to teach some kids how to ride a horse. Yes, I understand that is what she does for a living but there is still plenty of time to try and rearrange some of these lessons right? After all, it is her daughter we are talking about. All she was asking was for her mother to help out for an afternoon. Nope. Too busy. Not even saying that she would try to re-arrange the lessons. Nope. Too busy.

Like she was too busy to talk to JD on the phone the other day when JD wanted to tell her about her hair loss. Too buy because she was 'making herself breakfast'. Like she was 'too busy' for the past 2 years (yes, TWO YEARS!) to visit us in our new flat. In the time my parents visited from Holland 3 times, JD's mother, from a hour driving away, visited exactly ZERO times.

I respect JD's wishes not to tell her mother exactly what I think of her extremely self-centered behaviour but it is getting harder and harder. I want to tell her to stop thinking the world revolves around her and that other people are not merely hangers-on to her life.


  1. Schoonmoeders, don't you just love 'em ...

  2. Similar to the way my step-mother off-loaded the care of my aged father to me. She phones him rather than visit. She is not able to meet the nursing-home-bus when it is in the club in her suburb every 4th Tuesday because Tuesdays is her day at the cinema with her friends. 27 years of marriage boils the "LH&O in sickness and death" down to a phone call ...

  3. Wow. That sucks (well done Marieke on such inventive usage of the English language....not!). Seriously, not that I know her that well but from what you told me about her in the past I did not expect that from her.

    The things is though, if you asked, they would still say they care (and they probably do) but they are unable to see other people's needs might just require them to put in a little more effort.

  4. Yep. You got it: not what I would have expected. But there are people who just don't know about that extra step: but somehow they are still nice, just not reliable. And yes, they still "care" - but you will have noted the quotation marks. There is a gene gone skewiff somewhere I reckon. Don't waste your energy on worrying about it, says I; your genes are pretty true-blue, Kid. Which reminds me: have your read "The Reader". I blubbered and so will you - but sooo worth while.

  5. Heya - I'm one of Jane's friends from school and I'm happy to drive her any day she needs, I can re-arrange most things without much hassle. --Aidan