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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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More misery

12 August 2009

So, the result of JD's PET scan was not a happy one (Not that we expected that).

Scan shows clear area of high uptake and increased metabolic rate in the right anterior frontal lobe. On the positive side, the Oncologist thinks the surgeon might be able to take the offending Grade III bits out, something they will get back to us about. I assume that is a good thing as it means it will at least slow things down a bit.

She is still starting the chemotherapy, Temozolomide, tomorrow for 5 days. At least we can apparently go on holiday because any side effects of the drugs are only expected to last for as long as she is actually taking the tablets. So we're off to France. Yay.

JD is much better about this than me. In fact, she went to see her PhD mentor after the hospital visit. I am feeling depressed and deflated after it all. This is not a curable illness. I think it is starting to sink in that, let's be honest, she will die of this sometime (assuming she doesn't walk under a bus before then). If she's lucky, it will be 10 years, rather than 1 but that is still not good enough!

I should be strong and organised and supportive for JD but right now, I just want to leave my job, my house, my car, Northampton, get all my money together and travel around for months, together, not worrying about anything. With no set time to return, no responsibilities. Just go away.

But apparently that kind of thing is only acceptable once things get 'really bad'.

Might go home now and have some booze and a good cry.

4 comments:

LindseyJ said...

If you need me for anything, or I can help in anyway, pls give me a call. Thinking of you both.

Nan said...

O, wat afschuwelijk! Ik wens jullie beiden veel sterkte toe. Ook hier wordt er aan jullie gedacht.

Julie said...

Take your lead from Jane. It is her attitude that is the really crucial one.

I am pleased France is still a goer.

Lots of concerts, picnics, walks ... out and about doing ordinary things.

Natalya said...

Hey guys! It's Natalya from BT Buddies, we met at the information day in May (I'm the one with the walking sticks!).

I'm so sorry things are still tough for you guys and that Jane's scan wasn't good news. It certainly sounds like she's got the right attitude though!

If there is anything I can help you with just give me a shout anytime natalya@btbuddies.org.uk

Take care x

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