Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk


05 June 2011

After keeping a 6 year record of Jane's brain tumour, the BouncyBean blog has come to an end. I have collected ALL 6 years' worth of posts about the brain tumour on a new website. You can find it here: http://astrocytoma.co.uk. The reason for creating a new blog is that Wordpress offers much better options for keeping posts organised. And for 6 years' worth of blogs, it needs to stay organised. The site contains ONLY posts about the brain tumour journey. I think a lot of you may not have been able to read the older blogs because they appeared on my personal website, instead of a dedicated site.

When I moved to the UK in March 2004, we did not move in together until August. So in the end, Jane and I only had 4 months of worry-free living together. And then, in January 2005, our lives changed forever. I knew Jane and I would not get old together. I read all the statistics of an average 6-year survival. But 6 years feels just so far away. We married a year after Jane's surgery. She died almost exactly 6 years after her surgery. If I could do it again, I would marry her again. Even with the brain tumour and the immense pain and emptiness I feel with her loss, I would still do it again. Because the time we had together was more beautiful than anything I ever imagined. My life has been filled with more meaning, with more love and more tenderness than I ever imagined to get in my life. I thought I loved Jane as much as I could. But when she trusted me to care for her in the last 9 months of her life, I learned about a whole new, deeper level of love. One that I can confidently say you can only reach by going through trauma together. I would have been happy with the love we had before. But it seems the price we have to pay for reaching that all-consuming, deep level of love, of dedication, of trust, of humility, the price for that is death.


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