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Hable con ella

27 July 2011

Needless European blog title really. Just that there is a film called Hable con Ella which means Talk to Her. Which is what I have taken to doing every night.

I don't know why. I don't believe in an afterlife. Dead is dead and Jane is dead. I don't have a feeling that she is still with me in some way. Quite the opposite: I feel she has left me in every way possible. No vague signs for me. No whispering of my name when I am alone. No strange sounds. No imprint of her body on the bed. Dead. Gone. That's what I believe.

(On a side note: If this is a wrong belief, then it is clear Jane loves me a lot. If she IS around me, she knows I would be completely freaked out by her proving there IS an afterlife. So she keeps quiet. There we go. I have just created a situation where Jane NOT manifesting herself is just as much proof of afterlife as Jane appearing to me. Sweet.)

So why do I talk to Jane? It is only for 2 minutes usually, whilst looking at her picture. And I usually cry. Maybe it is something I feel like doing specifically because I know I will cry? Crying is not nice, but it is better than feeling numb. I reckon I should cry a little every day. So I talk to a picture for a few minutes. Then I cry. Then I tell the picture I miss her.

And finally I feel rather stupid.

But if I don't do it then some days will go by without talking about Jane. And that is something I am just not ready for. So if there is nobody here to talk to about Jane, I'll do it myself.

Weirdo.

4 comments:

Is said...

Isn't it strange how it affects us all differently. Matt's passing has made me believe in an afterlife (I'm not sure what I thought before). So I like your second idea about Jane.

Dutchcloggie said...

Why has his passing made you believe in an afterlife? Is it because now you really want there to be an afterlife so you feel Matt is safe and happy? Or have you had anything happen that proved it for you? Just curious what made you change your mind. Hope you are ok this evening.

Is said...

5 distinct 'signs' to be honest that I wasn't expecting, or seeking, that were just there.

I just read your latest post and hoping your ok.

Dutchcloggie said...

I would be freaked out by signs of an afterlife but if you are not, then I am glad you had those signs and that it comforts you :)

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