Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

Astrocytoma

About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk
 

StudyBed

11 October 2011

I am now properly set up in my new place. It is a big shock to the system, moving from our nice big flat into a small room. I have managed to squeeze a lot of my furniture into the new room and got rid of some other bits.

Today they delivered and installed my new StudyBed. It turns from desk in to bed in a second. It was a bit hefty on the cost side. And actually, the whole thing is a hit hefty! It takes up a lot of space, both as a desk and as a bed. But heyho, I am happy with it.

It took 2 friendly men 2 hours to put together though so taking it with me to University will be interesting...





Now I have no more excuses not to do homework and admin. Ugh!

Last night for the first time I had a dream about Jane.
I dreamt that I walked in to a room and two people were sitting in chairs in front of a fireplace, their backs turned towards me. They were both wearing a brown jumper, like the one Jane is wearing in this picture.



I spoke and they turned around. Jane was in the chair on the left, her sister on the right. I remember very specifically saying out loud: I KNOW this is not a dream because I am awake.

Jane smiled and I felt a sense of relief. I really *felt* that is my dream. The same feeling you get when you wake up from a really bad dream and you realise it was just a dream. I did not even feel extreme happiness. I just felt relief and the fear I had about Jane being dead was gone. She was sitting in the chair, proof that she was alive and well.

Then I woke up. For a second or two, I still felt happy. Then I realised it was a dream. Jane is still gone.

:'(

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