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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


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Christmas without You: I'm here.

21 December 2011


Aidan & Matt have a very nice spacious home with a pool and hottub in the garden. Both are covered with snow at the moment but I am sure I'll get to use the hottub before I leave.

Their three cats are really rather cute. You would love the snow. Today we are apparently going for a little drive around the area. I can see the mountains from my bedroom. It looks very exciting. Remember how you said you would take me skiing in North America some day? Well, I'm here now. And you are not.

I know you would never forgive me if I went to snowy America and not go out to play on the slopes. Aidan wants to learn to ski but I can not teach her. So I'm afraid I will have to turn her in to a snowboarder. Sorry. I know that is sacrilege in your eyes. Tough. You are not here to stop me. Hahaha! I am victorious. I am looking forward to the snowboarding because it will be a little easier to do it this way: as part of this trip, rather than having a full-on snow holiday on my own for the first time. Then I would just feel so alone all the time. Hopefully next time when I do go on my own, it won't feel so daunting.

Things I have learned about America already:

- It IS possible to have towels that are both soft AND absorbent
- Packaging really IS a lot bigger than in Britain
- Cars are not cars. They are trucks. And they are enormous.
- People really Do say: England, is that in France?

I know, so far that is not much to have discovered. But there will hopefully be more to write about soon.

I know I have said this before but I really really miss you. You would so have enjoyed the adventure. Aidan said that she would like to think that if you were still alive, we would still have come over for Christmas together.

Tonight I will be finally sending you the Chinese lantern we got for your birthday. There is no wind in this country and I brought it along. I know it is not your birthday anymore but I hope you don't mind.



Anonymous said...

On behalf of many Americans, I'm sorry about the England/France thing - we're not really ALL that geographically challenged!

Dutchcloggie said...

No problem. Much to my enjoyment, at the basketball game this evening, someone squealed: Oh I LOVE your English accent, say something else.

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