Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk

More to life

21 March 2012

Wow. It has been over a week since my last blog. A lot has happened but most of it I am not going to tell you about. Sorry. I know the ethos of this blog has been to be honest and open about everything relating to widow-hood. But the reason I have not written anything for so long is that I could not think of a widow-related thing to write about.

Many widows take up blogging as an outlet. And when life starts taking on some kind of normalcy again, they close down their blog because being a widow is no longer the only thing they are emotionally dealing with.

However, this blog existed long before I was a widow. This blog has always just been a life blog. Ramblings about my daily life. 

When Jane was ill, this blog became a single-issue blog because I was a single-issue person. My life existed soley around Jane. After Jane died, this blog became a single-issue blog. My life revolved completely around my loss, being widowed and trying to get back up again. 

In January, I wrote about The Ball of Grief. I explained that it is not my grief that shrinks, but my world that expands around my grief. No longer does grief fill my entire world. There are other things to talk about.

My world has expanded massively. I have a job I absolutely love. I have a social life that is more active than ever before. I am making new friends. I am open to whatever life throws at me.

So, to those of you who started reading because you wanted to know about Jane, or about life as a (lesbian) widow, I'm afraid you will be disappointed in the future.  You will also be reading about other stuff that may not interest you at all.

To those who will no longer read this blog I say Thank you for your support. It has been incredibly valuable to me. Many people have told me that this blog has helped them understand so much more about grief. That was never my reason for writing. But it is a wonderful side-effect. If my blog means someone is no longer afraid to pick up the phone to a grieving friend, then it was worth it. If this blog means people are no longer afraid to think about death, their own or someone else's, then it was worth it.  If this blog has helped my friends understand me better, then it was worth it.

If this blog has made anyone realise how incredibly awesome I am for the way I am dealing with all this, then...well...it's totally worth it.

To fellow widows, I hope I have been able to be of some kind of help. If only by telling you that what you feel is normal.

No, I am not saying I will not blog about being a widow or about loss and death. I am merely saying there is more to my life now.

It feels weird saying all this. As if I am saying I am no longer grieving and that I am over Jane. That I am closing the book on Jane. That is not the case. Expect plenty of angst around the anniversary of her death. I am still grieving. I will always grieve for Jane and for what I can no longer share with her. Like a daughter who misses her father at her graduation. And at her wedding. And at the birth of her first child.

Jane would be proud of me. She told me to get on with life, be happy and meet someone else I can be happy with.  I'm working on all of those things. Not all at the same time perhaps.


Anonymous said...

I'm really happy for you and glad to hear you love your job.

JL in GR

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