Bunny who?

Why? Who? What's this blog about? It's about MEEEE!

Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow


About Jane's brain tumour journey: Astrocytoma.co.uk

Olympic fever (It started out so well)

28 July 2012

When London got the Games, we were going to volunteer.

When you got ill, we were going to get tickets for the fencing.

When I was watching last night, I thought: You would have laughed your head off at the opening ceremony.

You missed it. I feel angry on your behalf. We were cheated out of some awesome sporty times together. We went to London to see the time trial at the start of the Tour de France. I lost all of the pictures we took that day. I'm off to London on Wednesday to see the Olympic time trial. I did not plan it that way. I was always going to go and see something of London during the Games, I mean as if I would ever stay away from such an awesome event. I'd go on my own if needed. Luckily I don't have to.I got tickets to get in to the Holland Heineken House and Hyde Park.

For years, your favourite hat was the Holland Heineken House slouch hat from the Sydney Olympics. Obviously I shall wear it when I go to London on Wednesday. Because when you were still alive, I never got the chance to wear it: you always nicked it before I could touch it! Ha! Finally it is mine again!

BTW, the probate solicitor finally returned all the documents to me. A pile of copies of our Civil Partnership certificate and your death certificate. Together with your Birth Certificate. Probate is now officially done and dusted. I guess that means I no longer have any legal ties to you. Don't know why that makes me sad. I miss you.

I am looking after a relatively young man with a brain tumour and his wife. I am far too involved. I know where he will end up. I know the road he has ahead of him. He is talking about getting better. About walking around the block. About maybe going on a last holiday.  About coming off the steroids. Of starting his 3rd different chemotherapy drugs to try and do what the first 2 could not achieve. I know that none of these things will happen. His tumour will slowly rob him of everything he ever was and his wife of everything she ever wanted to be.

And once again, there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Oh fuck. Now I'm crying. Great. Not quite the post I had intended to write.


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