I am able to do this course because of the money Jane left me. I am only doing the course because Jane died and I want to turn the tragedy in to something good. Jane always encouraged me to do it and we agreed I would start once she completed her PhD. I am finally doing the course I have been wanting to do since I was 18. I am scared I won't be able to do the course (what with having ADHD and all). I am scared I won't make any friends and that people will find me a pain in the arse. I am incredibly worried about not being organised enough and having missed something vitally important like enrolling for modules, time tables, whatever. So I am panicky. I am scared that Girlfriend will find me boring if I can only talk about my course.
All those things culminated last night in a highly emotional evening. I cried (and cried and cried and cried and cried, as the Invocal song goes). Thankfully Girlfriend was with me and all was well with the world by the time we went to bed.
I guess I underestimated the emotional impact of the whole thing. I am still not sure how to marry up missing Jane and crying over that kind of thing on important life events, and being utterly in love with Girlfriend. Most of all, I am still not sure how I can tell her that all my love is hers. That I am not holding some back for Jane in some way. But that it still means I cry about the whole thing at times. I don't even know exactly what the crying is about when it happens. I can only marvel at Girlfriend's ability to understand me. She is a bit awesome.
So, what happened on my first day?
- Students kept talking whilst lecturers were talking,making it hard for me to concentrate and I nearly snapped at them.
- I got impatient when some people were holding up the discussion by asking very detailed questions about their individual enrollment and Student Finance situation. With 150 students in the room, that is NOT THE TIME & PLACE.
- The university intranet did not reflect our time table correctly and staff are so far unable to tell us where we are supposed to go for our lectures, which groups we are in and where the lectures will be.
- Some people think it is perfectly acceptable to arrive 30 minutes late. (The girl got told she was not allowed in. GO TEACHER!)
- Car travel to campus is discouraged so they charge £5 for the car park. FOR 3 YEARS! So I bought a pass right away.
- I am going to lose SO MUCH WEIGHT due to cycling to university every day. I shall be thin & gorgeous once more.
So all in all not a bad day. Another introduction day on Thursday and hopefully on Monday, all niggles will be sorted out and things can begin in earnest.