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Being a Widow

My experience of dealing with grief as a widow

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I lost my nan and I ran

05 October 2013

I am back at university for Year 2 of my nursing degree. So far it is not that much harder than year 1 but I am sure this remark will come back to bite me in the arse.

In the past few weeks, My dad turned 65 and I lost my nan. Actually, that all happened in the same weekend. Girlfriend and I had booked a surprise trip to join my family at my dad's 65th birthday party. I had previously told him I would be too busy with university to fly to Holland for the weekend. But I booked anyway and didn't tell him.  Unfortunately, the day before we were supposed to go, my mother called to say that they had given my grandmother only a few more days to live. So they had cancelled my dad's birthday party. Instead of a weekend of celebration, I went to say goodbye to my nan on Saturday and flew home the next day. By the time I opened my front door on Sunday night, my grandmother had died. I am glad I got to see her one last time. How lucky that I had planned that trip already. But how sad for my dad that his grand party was cancelled.

I did not go to my nan's funeral on the Friday after she died. I had important lectures and, to be honest, I had not seen nan is such a long time that I did not feel a big emotional need to be present. I thought about the funeral as I was at uni all day. My brother in laws posted a picture of it on facebook: all the grand children and great-grand children had written on nan's coffin. As you can see from the picture, it all seemed very relaxed. Just like nan would have wanted. I had thought about the idea of giving people pens to write on Jane's coffin way back when but I then chose a cool coffin with a picture on it so it didn't happen. But I like that idea a lot. So Girlfriend pay attention to this.

Today I ran in one of those weirdly fun mud race things that have taken the UK by storm. 10k in mud and water and it was great fun. I did it for fun but also wanted to raise some money for the Cynthia Spencer Hospice in Northampton. My awesome dad had asked all the family to give him money instead of presents so that he could sponsor me. In the end, I got to give the Hospice about £500 which is AWESOME. I am very pleased with that. he weather this morning was great so the run was nice and gentle. Although as I am sitting on the sofa typing this, I can feel all my muscles going stiffer by the minute.

Time for a shower methinks. See if there are any crevices left where the mud has hidden itself.


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